Philly is Chilly

What a strange week is has been. I've got so many things taking up my mental space. First, I'm a mom. And, at this stage in my life, that takes up the most mental space. Sometimes, I think I am getting dementia or I have brain damage. That is not hyperbole. Sometimes, I honestly think there is something wrong with my brain because I say and do the craziest things or forget how to do something I've done 100 times. Like a "senior moment" except that I'm in my 40s. I'm starting to think these things happen because of the mental load of keeping everything straight regarding everyone in my family and everything in my home.

I start to feel like I am losing my mind because, on top of the mental load of the home and family, I am trying to cram in a ton of information that I need to keep straight on a daily basis about my job with CCHC. This is usually where the parts that I look like I am losing my mind come out. Like, I will be talking to one of my bosses, who both have their lives in strict order (I'm not kidding) and I will cross wires in the most ridiculous ways and the strangest things come out of my mouth. Or, I'm supposed to send an email to Dr. Gillean and all of the sudden I will send it to Dr. Gilfillan -- and, even though their names sound alike, they are completely different people in completely different states that we are working with in completely different capacities. Of course, I cc my bosses on said email.

I just keep rollin with it.

Added to the mental load of home and family and the CCHC job there is the PEGUS job. Which has been on hold since October. It has been a nice hiatus from all the travel (only out of town once for CCHC from October until now). But, it has not been nice to go so long without an extra paycheck. The PEGUS money was supposed to be extra. But, of course we grew accustomed to it quickly. So, I'm about ready for the money drought to be over.

Another new thing taking up my mental real estate is a huge conference in San Diego coming up the first week of May. My colleague is planning it and asked me to assist her. Things are ramping up for CleanMed. It's exciting and a little stressful.

Then, the same colleague asked me to help her with yet another May meeting she is planning that is completely unrelated to everything else. Not to travel, just the backend stuff. So, I set up the registration platform, but, then I was like, hold on! This is getting a little crazy wearing all these different hats. It doesn't seem like it should be that hard to do a spreadsheet for one group and switch gears to a registration platform for another group and then switch gears again and start uploading materials to a website for a different group and stop all that to run a webinar for another group. (And, maybe jump on a plane and collect FDA research for something different entirely in the middle of it all--I digress). But, suddenly I start sending Dr. Gillean's emails to Dr. Gilfillan and I can't remember if I'm working on the meeting in St. Louis or the one in San Diego. I end up looking like a crazy fool and I'm like--slow it all down a little!

I left out that my kids are asking me to please warm some chicken nuggets while I'm focusing on keeping all these balls related to work from dropping.

So ... today I told my colleague I'm going to have to draw the line at the San Diego pre-conference prep and just say no to the other new conference work she is throwing my way. I realized I had a problem yesterday when I started contemplating finding a new job rather than say "no" and risk disappointing my colleague. Why is it so hard for me to say "no"? I'll tell you why--I have a problem with people pleasing and I'm starting to understand that I need to work on it. So, I said "no" to one project and "yes" to a host of others and I give myself permission to not try to make everyone happy all the time.

It is spring break. I was supposed to be in Philly this week for a PEGUS study--the first one in 2018. I was drooling for that extra paycheck. My flight and hotel were scheduled and I traveled to SLC last Thursday for an all day training. I was set to leave early yesterday morning and get back late Friday night. At the end of the training, after half of us had already checked out laptops and left the building (I was still there), they got a call saying the study was cancelled. Or, more accurately postponed. Nevertheless, this week's travel was called off. It was a shock!

Friday is my birthday and Brian and I were joking because last time I was out of town (in January) it was our anniversary. We were also in different states for his birthday last fall. We were joking that it was becoming our thing to be apart for all special occasions. But, now I'm here so I guess it isn't our thing after all.

The newspaper today said there is a freak snowstorm in Philly. I'm glad I'm missing out on that.

Now, I'm home and it's spring break. And, my first thought when the study was canceled was that I should take my kids out to have fun and make some memories.

Alas, there is still work to do. Work for CCHC. And, work for CleanMed. But, not work for PEGUS or that other meeting that I said "no" to. The house needs attention. And, more pressing than that, our washer bit the dust on Saturday. It's a mighty good thing I am not in Philly because I have spent the better part of the past four days using nearly all of the space in my brain to figure out what washing machine to buy. This is not an easy decision! You see, I've never had a nice washer and dryer. I've never had a washer that I really, truly loved and I haven't even had a matched set. So, the plan was that when this washer or dryer broke, I would finally get the washer/dryer set of my dreams.

But, those dreams were shattered when salesperson after salesperson explained to me that I could drop $3K or more on a set that looks lovely and has all the bells and whistles, but those horrible people manufacturing all the washers and dryers these days are so filled with greed that they are making them with plastic parts that are sure to break in under ten years. $3K for a washer/dryer that lasts less than 10 years! Some salespeople are telling me that even the beautiful and popular LGs are sometimes breaking in as little as 2 years. And, those greedy manufacturers are charging so much for replacement parts, people are ending up buying brand new again. I guess it's kind of a gamble because I could get a washer/dryer that I love for up to 10 years. Even 15 if I'm really lucky--but, I'm pretty sure the people making it to 15 years are not doing nearly as much laundry as me.

I resisted and resisted buying the super boring Speed Queen. It's just like washing machines of days gone by. Not a single bell or whistle or anything sleek in its design. And, the worst part? It's not even large capacity. At least my washer that bit the dust was large capacity. Oh, how I loved washing those giant loads of laundry all at once. But, I am finally convinced. To top it off, I found a scratch and dent discounted to $750. At least I'm not paying $1K for this reliable workhorse that offers nothing in the tantalizing department. Can washing machines be tantalizing? Turns out, if you wash enough laundry, they can be.

Brian is picking up our Speed Queen in the morning and at least I can wash the laundry again. I have a pretty small window between the washer breaking and needing to spend 12-hours at my mom's house to get caught up on all the loads.

In other news, my kids are doing great. When we moved to this house, there was not one girl Katie's age in the area for years. My prayers have been answered because now there are a pack of girls her age and she runs around with them every chance she gets. They go up and down the street, rotating between about five houses, and the best part is that all the moms of all the girls are happy to feed them and entertain them. She is watching a movie at one house, jumping on the trampoline at the next and then those girls are off to a hot tub party. It suddenly feels like she is eight going on sixteen.

I guess she has finally won me over to the idea of homeschooling for another year. It is hard to say no because I love the program so much. I only wanted to put her in school because it felt like it was what was best for her for the social aspect. She is so lonely during the day when all of her friends are at school. But, I guess we will see how it goes.

Isaac keeps busy writing code on his computer, making fires in the backyard, biking, scootering and being curious about the world in general.

Ian's musical talents continue to blossom. He has one more week of winter line (indoor marching band). They took first place at their last competition! I'm so proud of him for continuing to earn straight A's in school; for tackling all of his core classes online, an option he chose because the online courses are actually more challenging and he was feeling bored at school. He is a social butterfly, spending every spare moment with his large circle of friends. I love getting to be a fly on the wall when the gang hangs out at our place.

Last Saturday, Sophie went to prom. That girl has gone to every school dance since the beginning of 9th grade. At first, it was because she was on the planning committee. On dance days, she helped set up and clean up and of course she wanted to go hang out at the event in between. After she turned 16, I think we both assumed it would turn into her going with a date or at least a friend group. Sadly, that hasn't happened yet. But, my sweet girl has persevered in making the best of it. She had such a gorgeous lavender dress for prom. Simply my favorite one yet. She asked me to take her to dinner so I did. Then we went to a swanky place for dessert (1107 for creme brulee). I looked across the table at my stunning daughter and I thought about how lucky I was to get to be with her in that moment; a moment most parents only imagine or, if they are lucky, get to hear about when it is done. I decided to stop being sad that these dances haven't looked the way she or I expected and to appreciate the unique experience we were having.

Also on Saturday, I got to go to a group run/pancake breakfast that Brian organized. Here is the story about that. Three years ago, when Brian worked for GOAL Foundation, he brought Mountain Luxury on as a major sponsor. Together they decided to host a group run with a free pancake breakfast and some prize giveaways leading up to the Ogden Marathon. I think he said three people showed up, so it was kind of a bust. After he left GOAL, he was hired by Mountain Luxury and he decided to try the event again last year. About 50 people showed up. So, this year, he decided to give it another go and there were about 200 people there! It was quite amazing to see what he had pulled together. I was really proud of him.

It's spring break. I'm getting a new washer. It's chilly in Philly and I'm so glad I'm not trying to drive a rental car through the traffic and the snow in a strange place. It's pretty chilly in Ogden too. But, we are rollin with it. Taking life one day at a time.