A good friend of mine is a real estate agent who sells new homes. One day she made the comment to me that, even though new homes are pricey, the money evens out when you consider how much you are going to sink into making your existing home the home you want.
I was eyeball deep in re-model projects when she said that, and it rang true. It is easy to sink $20K+ into even the most basic changes, even when you are providing all of the labor yourself! Sometimes, it feels like all of our time and expendable income will be going into this house for the next twenty years (and way more than $20K).
So, when we put our other home on the market in August, I had a great idea. Why not sell both of our houses and use the equity to build a new house?
My friend was kind enough to walk us through her models. I fell in love with the Pleasant View development--such a gorgeous panoramic view of the mountains!
Here is what I learned.
#1 New homes are way pricier than I was expecting. We were looking at a minimum of $300K for a smaller home on a smaller lot.
#2 Everything I loved about the model was an upgrade and the upgrades are 2-4x's what they would cost to DIY. As we would go through the home and the agent would say, for example, "That door in the walk-out basement is a $4K upgrade." Brian would say, "What!? I could easily do that myself for $1-$2K." And, pretty soon we had a list almost as long as my current list of all the changes and upgrades Brian would be making to our hypothetical new home. It kind of defeated the purpose. I was dreaming of what we would do with all of our newly discovered free time!
#3 Maybe it was just this particular builder, but I had a really hard time finding a floor plan that I liked. The houses we looked at all had an amazing great room and 3 bedrooms upstairs plus a full basement. The house that had the square footage I wanted had two 10x10 bedrooms and the master seemed a little on the small side. The great room also seemed just a tad squishy. When we moved to the next model up, the two bedrooms were 12x12 (nice), the master was just right and the great room was perfect. But, the basement was massive and the overall home was way too big. Three more bedrooms downstairs in both models. What are we going to do with six bedrooms? Ideally, we would have had the smaller plan with one bedroom eliminated to make the other rooms bigger. But, there was really no way to make that work.
#4 I was surprised by two things that got me really excited when I looked at the new houses. First, when I saw all of those bedrooms and imagined my kids in their own spaces, I couldn't stop thinking about how much they would love that. Second, I was overcome with visions when I entered a giant pantry that ran the whole length of a kitchen (behind a super cool secret door too). I loved that pantry! (BTW-a $4K upgrade).
This exercise taught me a couple of things. First, I had a renewed sense of gratitude for my current home. Second, I decided that we should make an effort to give our kids their own bedrooms. We were planning to make the boys share a downstairs bedroom and convert the one they shared upstairs into an office (it has a window, but no closet, so it isn't technically a bedroom anyways). That meant Ian couldn't have the Queen size bed he'd had his eye on.
Third, I realized just how badly I wanted and needed a bigger storage space and that helped propel our thinking into the idea to expand the basement square footage for this purpose. I am excited for all of our plans for the basement, but, oddly, I might be the most excited about the storage room.
The thing that really sealed the deal about not getting a new home was when Brian rattled off the list of things he would insist on doing to our current home before we could sell it. I was thinking, "If we got all of that done, I would want to stay!" Haha.
Now, we've started on that long list. I hope it won't be too, too long before we've made a lot of headway.
On an unrelated topic, Katie just brought me this note she found that she made for me in preschool last Mother's Day. It says:
The thing my mother likes best is: ME!!!
My mom is 60 feet tall and weighs 80 pounds
While I'm at school my mom: Works (never was that more true than last year!)
Her favorite color is: Pink, purple and turquoise (actually these are Katie's favorite colors)
Her favorite food is: Soup (this is funny because Katie has declared that she hates 'soup'--kind of a broad category, but if I tell her we are having any kind of soup, she automatically dismisses it. She thinks I love soup and she once said a prayer with the words, "I'm thankful that we can like soup when we grow up.")
The best thing she cooks for me is: Ramen noodles (how she loves these! I have to buy them infrequently or she would beg to eat them every day)
My mother says this to me the most: "I love you."
If I had a million dollars I would buy my mom: New keys (when I questioned her about this, she said she would buy me another set since I always lose mine-priceless!).
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Nicholson Thanksgiving
Oh how I love Thanksgiving!
We switch off every other year celebrating with Brian's family and my family. Two years ago, when it was suppose to be our year with Brian's family, his parents were on their mission in the Philippines. We ended up eating in a restaurant. And, halfway through the meal, we realized our two youngest kids were coming down with something and had fevers.
But, this year, our traditions with the Nicholsons were back in full force.
Brian is the oldest of nine children. Most of his siblings have children on their own. There are 30-something grandchildren. So, it's quite a grand affair.
We met at his parents house where they had several tables set up in their living room on their new bamboo floors.
There was so much food! Turkey, ham, rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, candied yams, Dutch oven potatoes, brussel sprouts, green bean casserole (from my sister-in-law's garden!), salads, special drinks and more. Then, there were oodles of pies. I ate so much food. All of it was delicious.
After the meal, we sat around and visited with each other while the kids went crazy with a game involving marbles. Brian's mom and sisters all had knitting and sewing projects to work on. We watched football and Chicken Run. Katie and Kaylee swung on Grandma and Grandpa's tree swing. The weather was gorgeous -- almost 60-degrees.
Now we have officially kicked off the Christmas season. I don't love winter, but I do love this time of year.
A New Room For Ian
Last night, Ian slept snuggly in a Queen size bed. He sunk deep into the memory foam pad, and, he loved it.
Brian has been working non-stop on our basement since last Thursday and last night, he finished Ian's bedroom.
Much of the work had already been done -- large window cut and installed, walls framed, walls and ceiling drywalled, mudded and sanded. This past week, he finished the wiring and installing the lights, hung the trim, completed the installation of the built in bookshelf, had the carpet re-installed and painted everything. Ian chose a nice green called relish.
Part of the deal for finishing the basement is that I had to move everything out. There is nothing like a vast home improvement project to help with going through stuff and getting organized. It turns out, a family of six can accumulate quite a bit of unnecessary junk when there is a giant unused basement to stash everything instead of actually deciding what to do with it.
It's been a tremendously busy week for me. Every time I think I'm about to get the upstairs halfway presentable, I bring another load of things upstairs that needs to be sorted and organized. We have gotten rid of a lot -- and, that feels good.
Last night, Brian and I hunkered down in the basement and we wouldn't quit until every last thing was cleared out. Every last thing from the main area that is. He still wants me to (gasp!) empty the storage room so he can tear into that as well. It's going to be tricky trying to assimilate everything into our upstairs living space until the work is complete (the garage is already full).
Ian's room is finished and I couldn't be happier with the way it turned out. He is ecstatic! He loves finally having his own space for the first time in his 12-year life. He and Isaac get along surprisingly well given their complete opposite personalities (I'm so thankful -- I always hope and pray for my children to be close to each other). But, this is a much deserved perk. He has put up with a lot.
Last night, Brian ripped out all of the walls, so aside from the storage room, Ian's bedroom and the furnace room, everything else is wide open where there use to be a bedroom, playroom, mud room and common area. It looks awesome. We kind of wish we could leave it open like that forever. Mostly, it will stay open, except that he's going to frame the bedroom back in for Sophie's new room.
Sophie is unbelievably specific in her requirements for her new room. Brian has already agreed to lay hardwood flooring, build her a custom bed and paint two of the four walls in multi-color neon stripes to her specifications. Yet--this does not meet all of her requirements and her lamentations on the subject are endless . . . It's very frustrating.
Last night, Brian realized he has to re-wire the upstairs of the house before he goes to town on the basement (while all of the basement ceilings are ripped out and he has access to the wiring). Maybe this will give Sophie the adequate amount of time to see how very reasonable and accommodating her parents are. Or, as she thinks will happen, maybe this will give her parents enough time to see reason. Ha!
When the downstairs is complete, we will have two bedrooms (Ian's and Sophie's), a bathroom (it's going in where the storage room is currently) and a large game room/family room. We want to have a couch and TV with gaming console and an assortment of games, like foosball and air hockey. We pretty much want to be the house where our kids and all of their friends hang out. This is a wonderful thing. However, I am learning that one unintended consequence is a sharp upswing in the grocery bill.
Behind our furnace room, we have a large unfinished area of our house with a dirt floor. We decided that we are going to pour cement about 18-feet back and frame it in to make a giant storage room. I am SO excited!!!
I am thankful for Brian, his handyman skills and his willingness to work harder than anyone I've ever known to make our dreams for our home come true. Happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Headed Into the Holidays
(Brian and I had a little fun on Halloween)
Our fridge stopped working unexpectedly two nights ago, but a repairman replaced a part and we are back in business and squeaky clean.
For Halloween, Sophie looked darling as her favorite book/movie character -- Tris from Divergent.
Ian wanted to be dry bones (the skeleton version of the turtle) from Mario Bros. With a little help from my sister, who made him an awesome shell, he was a cool looking skinny skeleton turtle. Or, as he joked on his way to school when I first did his face make-up weird (I was trying to draw a jaw line for a snapper turtle, but I made it go over his lip and it looked like a mustache) -- he was an awesome looking Italian-black-and-white-skeleton-ninja-turtle.
Isaac was a construction worker. Last year, his best friend was an army guy. We got him an identical costume and they were both army guys. They love to play army--perfect. This year, they both wanted to be construction workers. The love playing construction and want to own their own company someday--again, perfect. We got him a tool belt with real tools and safety glasses. Lots of people commented that the best part of his costume was the giant drywall bucket (which he carried around to gather treats).
My mom and I had high hopes that Katie would be either Minnie Mouse, Aurora or both (one for school by day and one for trick-or-treating by night). I got her the Minnie dress and my mom splurged on a Disney Aurora pink dress with wand, crown and painted parasol for her birthday last May.
Unfortunately, those dresses have not gotten a lot of use, although we did get some fun pictures at the park.
As Halloween approached, Katie raided the costume box for various pre-Halloween parties and events. She was a cowgirl, a dragon and the transformer bumblebee. That was all fine with me, but, I kept prepping her for the big day. What would she choose? Aurora or Minnie?
When the big day got here, guess which one she picked?
Spiderman.
An old Spiderman costume that we bought second hand when Ian was five. Isaac has also worn it.
I'm not surprised. She loves princesses, but she loves super heroes equally. Or, maybe more?
The nice part is this--since she is my fourth kid, I didn't really care. My mom and I both laughed about it.
Ian 11, Sophie 13, Isaac 9, Katie 5
Sophie invited her junior high friends over for a party. We decorated the family room all spooky and rigged up an outdoor movie. The weather was warm and perfect! We had a fire for s'mores, tons of treats and root beer over dry ice. Brian took the other kids trick-or-treating and my mom was kind enough to come pass out our candy while I supervised the party (nicest group of kids ever).
November has been an interesting month. Right after the 5K on the 1st, my Dad and Brian headed to Montana for a construction job my dad lined up. They were gone for a week, back for 4-days (during that time they were working non-stop to build metal frames to take to the next job) and then they were gone for 11-days!
Brian is a trooper. He has worked so hard. And, Montana was like -17 degrees every day, so I am glad it was him, not me, who was there.
For the kids and I, the only hiccup was the van breaking down in the middle of the 11-day stint. Everything else went great! I didn't know what it would be like having him gone for so long. It made us appreciate each other more. He sent me a giant bouquet of flowers the day he came home. It was like we were long-distance dating again (he always sent me huge bouquets of flowers when I lived in D.C.).
Here is the best news of the month so far. We've been trying to sell our 25th Street house. We finally got an offer! But, it was a lease-to-own offer. In some ways that was fine. I was trying to be optimistic. It will be paid off in 10-years. So, I guess if we lease it long enough--that could be pretty sweet. Bigger pay-out. Delayed gratification.
But, a lot of things are going to happen in the next 10-years of our lives. Braces for FOUR kids. College. Maybe mission(s). Maybe a wedding. My oh my, our Sophie will be almost twenty-four and Ian will be twenty-two. Leasing the house and paying it off is a sweet idea. But, getting some cha-ching right now is even more tempting.
So, we were ecstatic when we got another offer, this one to purchase, and put the house under contract yesterday! YAY! YAY! YAY!
They seem like solid buyers. Full-price offer with a few concessions. They want to close in four weeks. We are crossing our fingers.
This has opened our minds up to entertaining some dreams about finishing our basement. Brian and I walked through and discussed all of our plans tonight. I was giddy! I never imagined I would live in a house like this one, with a yard like this one and neighbors who are beyond the best. We love it. However, it does need a lot of work to truly be our dream home. (It is the shell of our dream home now and the beginnings of our dream yard). I really hope the sale will go through and things will really get rolling for us.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Indoor Soccer
We arrived at the complex for Ian's first indoor soccer game. Before me, I saw a comp team and they looked serious. They had snazzy reddish orange uniforms that matched from head to toe. Their coach looked tough and organized. As soon as the field was clear, they hustled into a formation and started warming up with coordinated precision.
This is my first year signing my boys up for indoor soccer. Isaac's AYSO coach wanted to sign his team up. When Ian found out, he wanted to do indoor soccer too. But, his coach wasn't signing up. So, I asked the complex if Ian could play? "Sure," they told me. They put him on the house team called the "Misfits" a group of U12 boys who all wanted to play but didn't have a team to sign up with.
There they stood against the wall. Mismatched uniforms with white pennies over the top to help identify them as a unit. No coach. These boys had never played together. They had never even met each other. They were too shy to even say "hi" to each other.
I drew in a sharp breath preparing myself for an absolute blow-out. I called to Ian, "Remember it's just for fun! Playing comp teams will help you get better." But, inside I worried he would never want to come back and finish out the season.
I took my seat and the buzzer rang. Right from the get-go, those boys, that team of Misfits, ran onto that field and played soccer fiercely. I couldn't believe my eyes! I knew Ian was good (at least, I always think he has some of the best moves on the field), but it turned out that whole team of boys who were willing to sign up to play just for the love without the support of a team or a coach were on fire!
Within the first two minutes, they scored the first goal! The other team had a superb goalie, but, our boys kept that ball on the right end of the field for most of the first half. At halftime, the score was 1-1.
Then, the employee who was directing our boys on what positions to play sent Ian in as goalie and my knuckles went white. My boy had never played goalie. I'm sure the comp coach didn't play any of his boys as goalie who had never done it before. The other team snuck in two goals before Ian could get his wits about him. But, then he pulled out some ninja goalie moves. By the end of the game the score was 5-5. It felt like the most intense soccer game I've ever been to. I was so proud of the way they played. I love watching my kids play soccer and basketball more than any pro game I've attended.
Yesterday, Ian and I left the house at 10:30 a.m. thinking we would be home in one hour. Sophie was home alone with Isaac and Katie. I needed to drive straight home, feed everyone lunch, and take Sophie to the school for her matinee performance of High School Musical (by the way it turned out darling and she did an amazing job). When I was driving to the game, I noticed that my brakes were very soft. I had just had my oil changed, so I figured I would swing by Jiffy Lube to have the brake fluid topped off on my way home.
By the time I arrived, only my back brakes were working (this is a scary way to drive a giant van in case you are wondering). That is when they told me that 1) they don't top off brake fluid because if it is low it means there is a problem that needs to be addressed and 2) I would need to drive 25 blocks to their other location to have the brakes looked at.
I didn't know what to do. It didn't feel like the safest choice to drive there, but with it getting worse by the minute, I didn't want to drive home and wind up needing a tow truck. We drove about 15MPH the whole way and made it. I guess in my mind I was thinking it might take like 15 minutes or something for them to fix it. I was so wrong! It was over an hour before they could even look at it and it was 5.5 hours before I got it back (still not completely fixed so I have to take it in again tomorrow).
The first thing I did was frantically make phone calls to all of my neighbors to see if anyone could give Sophie the message to eat lunch and get ready for her musical. I think it was the first time I truly regretted not paying $40/month to have a cheap 3rd line cellphone to leave at home. Finally, I got through to a friend who also has a daughter in the musical. She was so sweet and totally saved me. She went to the house to pick up Sophie and an x-ray of my foot.
My heel has been in extreme pain since I ran Ragnar last June and, after trying every home remedy I can find (prescription dose anti-inflammatories for 3-months, rest, ice, a night splint, massage, stretching, wearing running shoes with orthodic inserts all day every day), I finally relented and started seeing a podiatrist. I waited so long because -- expensive + no insurance. I have plantar fasciitis and a giant heel spur. She started me on a round of cortisone shots two weeks ago and I was overdue for my second shot. My appointment was at 1:30 p.m. I had gotten an x-ray from another clinic that I was suppose to bring to the appointment.
My friend dropped off Sophie, brought me my x-ray and took Ian and me to the Dr. appt. Then, she had to rush back to the school to see her daughter play the lead role of Sharpay in the musical. Meanwhile, my awesome brother dropped whatever he was doing and picked up Katie and Isaac so they wouldn't be left alone at the house.
At 2:30, my mom came to the rescue after she finished up at a baby shower for her best friend's daughter. She brought lunch to poor Ian who hadn't had any access to food since breakfast. We stopped and got an ice pack so I could ice my foot while we drove around (a requirement for two hours after the shots). We picked up Sophie and bought her dinner before she would have to be back at the school at 5 p.m. to prepare for the evening show.
I finally got my van back at 5:30 p.m. -- seven hours after I thought I had left my house for one hour.
The amazing part about this adventure is two things. First, I felt so loved by everyone who pitched in to help me out of a bind and by everyone else who was on standby (I made so many phone calls. It was scary being stranded). My dad and Brian are in Montana for eleven days. They are the ones who usually fix the cars when they break down, so this was a truly new experience for me. Second, Ian was such a trooper! Here he was trapped all day in cars and waiting rooms, unable to change out of his soccer clothes and cleats, no jacket on a freezing day, and nothing to eat or drink for hours on end. And-that boy did not complain one time. I love him so much. He is unbelievable.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
A-Bombs
The other night, when I was putting Isaac to bed, he said, "Some people in my class think germs are the smallest, but I know that germs are made up of atoms so atoms are the smallest."
"What is smaller than an atom?" I said. And, we thought and thought about that. Then, we talked about the parts of an atom. Then, I said, "What if you tried to take an atom apart? What if you tried to split it in two to make something smaller?"
He thought for a minute or two, then he said, "It would explode."
I was amazed at his answer and I said, "How did you know that?"
He said, "I don't know, I'm just guessing. Why? Is that right?"
I was surprised because I don't think I would have thought of an atom causing an explosion all on my own.
So, we talked about atomic bombs. And, then we got on the computer and researched atomic bombs. I learned so many cool things. I know atomic bombs are horrible. But, they are also intriguing. Did you know we have exploded 2,000 a-bombs for testing? I would have thought it was more like 50.
We watched tons of youtube videos of a-bombs being detonated. They are so fascinating to watch. The most amazing one was the Tsar Bomba -- the largest atomic bomb ever tested. It was made by Russia and detonated in Siberia. It was 3x more powerful than any a-bomb the U.S. has ever built. They said it had more TNT power than all of the bombs used during every battle of WWII. The cloud of smoke rose 40-miles in the air when it exploded and the shock wave was still measurable on its third trip around the world. That is what it said on youtube anyways. Of course, that is horrible. But, it is so crazy to imagine.
Last night, when I was laying with Katie, I had a memory from our summer that I wanted to record. She is so excited to ride the big rides. But, she is not tall enough for many of them yet. One that she is tall enough for is the Tidal Wave -- a giant ship that swings back and forth. We had so much fun riding that together. I couldn't get enough of the look on her face when it would really get going and the way she would scream, "My stomach is getting so tiny!!!"
That was her way of saying "I have butterflies."
"What is smaller than an atom?" I said. And, we thought and thought about that. Then, we talked about the parts of an atom. Then, I said, "What if you tried to take an atom apart? What if you tried to split it in two to make something smaller?"
He thought for a minute or two, then he said, "It would explode."
I was amazed at his answer and I said, "How did you know that?"
He said, "I don't know, I'm just guessing. Why? Is that right?"
I was surprised because I don't think I would have thought of an atom causing an explosion all on my own.
So, we talked about atomic bombs. And, then we got on the computer and researched atomic bombs. I learned so many cool things. I know atomic bombs are horrible. But, they are also intriguing. Did you know we have exploded 2,000 a-bombs for testing? I would have thought it was more like 50.
We watched tons of youtube videos of a-bombs being detonated. They are so fascinating to watch. The most amazing one was the Tsar Bomba -- the largest atomic bomb ever tested. It was made by Russia and detonated in Siberia. It was 3x more powerful than any a-bomb the U.S. has ever built. They said it had more TNT power than all of the bombs used during every battle of WWII. The cloud of smoke rose 40-miles in the air when it exploded and the shock wave was still measurable on its third trip around the world. That is what it said on youtube anyways. Of course, that is horrible. But, it is so crazy to imagine.
Last night, when I was laying with Katie, I had a memory from our summer that I wanted to record. She is so excited to ride the big rides. But, she is not tall enough for many of them yet. One that she is tall enough for is the Tidal Wave -- a giant ship that swings back and forth. We had so much fun riding that together. I couldn't get enough of the look on her face when it would really get going and the way she would scream, "My stomach is getting so tiny!!!"
That was her way of saying "I have butterflies."
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Autism Spectrum
I just came across this post that I wrote at the end of last January. I did not have the courage to publish it then, but I am publishing it now, nine-months later. I feel like it is helpful to share my story in case anyone else is struggling down a similar path. Spoiler alert -- Isaac did receive the ADOS testing through the school district last May, nearly two years after we requested help from them and seven years after we first turned to professionals for answers. His results did show that he is on the Autism Spectrum, what is sometimes referred to as Aspergers. This information has been helpful in moving forward and creating a better life for him and for our whole family. Here is what I wrote in January of 2014:
So many things are so good in our lives right now. Preschool, freelance jobs, teachers, friends, family, health, love. These amazing people that I get to spend my life with! Life is good.
We've recently decided to be more aggressive about finding answers to some of our son's quirky behaviors. I feel like we are being really blessed right now after a lot of dead ends over the years.
I have hope that finding answers, even when the realities are difficult, will lead us to more peace for our son and our family.
As a baby, he was the sweetest, most content, blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired infant. At age one, he began displaying some behaviors that made us take note. By 20-months we had him in an early-intervention program for speech delay (because he had words before age 1, but at 20-months he had none). By age 3, I worried that we were being too paranoid and I took him out of the program (he was speaking by then).
He started half-day Kindergarten one week after he turned 5 and I hoped going to school would help some of the behaviors that concerned us. When it didn't, I took him right to the pediatrician who then (and always) down-played my concerns. We found a child psychologist who also proved unhelpful. In an effort to jump to a diagnosis, he handed us evaluation forms for ADD/ADHD at the end of the session.
I sat holding the forms, paralyzed in my chair. The psychologist asked me what was wrong? I couldn't fill out the form. I couldn't give one to his teachers. This didn't seem right. I didn't want him to be labeled. I didn't want him to be medicated. And, most of all, I didn't want anything to be wrong with my precious child who I loved dearly.
I agonized over each question before carefully marking my answers on a scale of 0-4. He was only 5 after all. I think I am a person who has a very broad expectation of a 5-year-old boy. He had behaviors that concerned me, but it wasn't like I expected him to sit there with his arms folded all day either. Who was I to say what was "normal"?
His scores came back elevated enough for them to recommend a medication. With much reservation, I filled the prescription and I gave it to him twice.
It was a 3x/day medication. I didn't give it to him 6x, I gave it to him 2x. One pill one day and one pill the next. Each time, his behavior got worse and more alarming. When I reported this back to the Dr. and psychologist, they recommended different medication --anti-anxiety medication -- something I was not willing to try on a 5-year-old. So, we stopped everything right there and I hoped time and increased maturity would solve things.
Time went by, and some things improved. Progress was slow, but if I looked back at where we had been, I could see it. The problem was that he kept getting older, and my expectations were increasing at a faster pace than his behavior was improving.
He finished half-day Kindergarten, and since his birthday is late in the summer, we opted to put him in another year of Kindergarten. During both years of Kindergarten and his first-grade year, I had lengthy conversations with his teachers and his pediatrician. But, none of these long conversations brought me any closer to understanding what was going on with my son.
I tried everything from rewards to punishments to ignoring the situation and mostly I tried lots and lots of patience and love. I read books and talked to people and researched everything I could think of in more detail. But, none of it provided the answer we were looking for.
In November of his second grade year, after several phone calls from the school, we decided to try ADHD medication again. I didn't know what else to do? The pediatrician was not helpful. The psychologist was not helpful. I had made multiple requests to the school for testing and help, starting at the beginning of his first grade year. I was told as long as his academic scores were good, there was nothing they would do. He is a very bright child.
A very bright child who needs help.
A very bright child who was becoming increasingly sad and down on himself.
I finally made a phone call that, after speaking to several people, put me through to a clinic at the University of Utah. Suddenly, we had an appointment with a psychologist there.
We waited a month for our appointment (which, seemed incredibly fast). He took the ADHD medication while we waited for the appointment -- partly so we could report how it affected him. The only change in his behavior we could see was loss of appetite, increased difficulty sleeping and nausea. I watched my poor son stop playing so he could throw up in the bushes more than once. So sad.
It was such a breath of fresh air to meet with a nice psychologist who spent nearly 2 1/2 hours learning about our son. I have never felt that he is hyperactive because he can sit still and focus for hours at times. This psychologist helped me to see that many of his behaviors are "sensory seeking" -- the way he tips his chair over repeatedly at school, has periods of non-stop movement at times, takes off running from me at a dead-sprint in crowds or parking lots for no apparent reason (so scary), dumps all of the toys and puzzle pieces into one maddening pile before he begins to play with one thing, and other behaviors that have perplexed me over the years.
We discontinued the ADHD medication that day and I was glad.
We started him on another medication. It is hard to see my child suffering from other side effects (it is very sedating for the first few weeks) as his body adjusts, but I hope that we will eventually be led to the answers that will help him suffer less in his life than he has before we started down this path.
The psychologist believes it could be one or a combination of a number of things causing his quirky behavior, but one of the things on the list that matches with his "symptoms" is autism spectrum. This is what I have been asking the school to test him for since the beginning of last school year. After contacting a clinic to see about getting him tested (it costs between $1000 - $1400 just to start), I was again told what I had been told 15-months ago -- that the school district can and should be doing the test for free.
When I met with the principal to discuss this again, she apologized and said because she was new last year she feels like she misunderstood the process or my request and may have not followed through with the testing the way she should have. She was very sorry -- and, it is all fine, as long as we can move forward from here.
Friday, we signed a form that means the school has 45 days to complete their assessments. I hope it will lead to Isaac receiving the ADOS test for autism and autism spectrum. In the meantime, we will continue to try medications and meet with the psychologist in Salt Lake.
I feel really thankful that we are getting the help we have been searching for. If he had more severe behaviors (I am so thankful he does not), we obviously would have figured things out by now. It is hard when you know something is off, but people make you feel like you are over-reacting to the situation or maybe you have just spoiled your child/been inconsistent/are a bad parent, etc.
So many things are so good in our lives right now. Preschool, freelance jobs, teachers, friends, family, health, love. These amazing people that I get to spend my life with! Life is good.
We've recently decided to be more aggressive about finding answers to some of our son's quirky behaviors. I feel like we are being really blessed right now after a lot of dead ends over the years.
I have hope that finding answers, even when the realities are difficult, will lead us to more peace for our son and our family.
As a baby, he was the sweetest, most content, blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired infant. At age one, he began displaying some behaviors that made us take note. By 20-months we had him in an early-intervention program for speech delay (because he had words before age 1, but at 20-months he had none). By age 3, I worried that we were being too paranoid and I took him out of the program (he was speaking by then).
He started half-day Kindergarten one week after he turned 5 and I hoped going to school would help some of the behaviors that concerned us. When it didn't, I took him right to the pediatrician who then (and always) down-played my concerns. We found a child psychologist who also proved unhelpful. In an effort to jump to a diagnosis, he handed us evaluation forms for ADD/ADHD at the end of the session.
I sat holding the forms, paralyzed in my chair. The psychologist asked me what was wrong? I couldn't fill out the form. I couldn't give one to his teachers. This didn't seem right. I didn't want him to be labeled. I didn't want him to be medicated. And, most of all, I didn't want anything to be wrong with my precious child who I loved dearly.
I agonized over each question before carefully marking my answers on a scale of 0-4. He was only 5 after all. I think I am a person who has a very broad expectation of a 5-year-old boy. He had behaviors that concerned me, but it wasn't like I expected him to sit there with his arms folded all day either. Who was I to say what was "normal"?
His scores came back elevated enough for them to recommend a medication. With much reservation, I filled the prescription and I gave it to him twice.
It was a 3x/day medication. I didn't give it to him 6x, I gave it to him 2x. One pill one day and one pill the next. Each time, his behavior got worse and more alarming. When I reported this back to the Dr. and psychologist, they recommended different medication --anti-anxiety medication -- something I was not willing to try on a 5-year-old. So, we stopped everything right there and I hoped time and increased maturity would solve things.
Time went by, and some things improved. Progress was slow, but if I looked back at where we had been, I could see it. The problem was that he kept getting older, and my expectations were increasing at a faster pace than his behavior was improving.
He finished half-day Kindergarten, and since his birthday is late in the summer, we opted to put him in another year of Kindergarten. During both years of Kindergarten and his first-grade year, I had lengthy conversations with his teachers and his pediatrician. But, none of these long conversations brought me any closer to understanding what was going on with my son.
I tried everything from rewards to punishments to ignoring the situation and mostly I tried lots and lots of patience and love. I read books and talked to people and researched everything I could think of in more detail. But, none of it provided the answer we were looking for.
In November of his second grade year, after several phone calls from the school, we decided to try ADHD medication again. I didn't know what else to do? The pediatrician was not helpful. The psychologist was not helpful. I had made multiple requests to the school for testing and help, starting at the beginning of his first grade year. I was told as long as his academic scores were good, there was nothing they would do. He is a very bright child.
A very bright child who needs help.
A very bright child who was becoming increasingly sad and down on himself.
I finally made a phone call that, after speaking to several people, put me through to a clinic at the University of Utah. Suddenly, we had an appointment with a psychologist there.
We waited a month for our appointment (which, seemed incredibly fast). He took the ADHD medication while we waited for the appointment -- partly so we could report how it affected him. The only change in his behavior we could see was loss of appetite, increased difficulty sleeping and nausea. I watched my poor son stop playing so he could throw up in the bushes more than once. So sad.
It was such a breath of fresh air to meet with a nice psychologist who spent nearly 2 1/2 hours learning about our son. I have never felt that he is hyperactive because he can sit still and focus for hours at times. This psychologist helped me to see that many of his behaviors are "sensory seeking" -- the way he tips his chair over repeatedly at school, has periods of non-stop movement at times, takes off running from me at a dead-sprint in crowds or parking lots for no apparent reason (so scary), dumps all of the toys and puzzle pieces into one maddening pile before he begins to play with one thing, and other behaviors that have perplexed me over the years.
We discontinued the ADHD medication that day and I was glad.
We started him on another medication. It is hard to see my child suffering from other side effects (it is very sedating for the first few weeks) as his body adjusts, but I hope that we will eventually be led to the answers that will help him suffer less in his life than he has before we started down this path.
The psychologist believes it could be one or a combination of a number of things causing his quirky behavior, but one of the things on the list that matches with his "symptoms" is autism spectrum. This is what I have been asking the school to test him for since the beginning of last school year. After contacting a clinic to see about getting him tested (it costs between $1000 - $1400 just to start), I was again told what I had been told 15-months ago -- that the school district can and should be doing the test for free.
When I met with the principal to discuss this again, she apologized and said because she was new last year she feels like she misunderstood the process or my request and may have not followed through with the testing the way she should have. She was very sorry -- and, it is all fine, as long as we can move forward from here.
Friday, we signed a form that means the school has 45 days to complete their assessments. I hope it will lead to Isaac receiving the ADOS test for autism and autism spectrum. In the meantime, we will continue to try medications and meet with the psychologist in Salt Lake.
I feel really thankful that we are getting the help we have been searching for. If he had more severe behaviors (I am so thankful he does not), we obviously would have figured things out by now. It is hard when you know something is off, but people make you feel like you are over-reacting to the situation or maybe you have just spoiled your child/been inconsistent/are a bad parent, etc.
Friday, November 7, 2014
The Past Six Months
I've gotten so far behind on posting . . . but, there are so many wonderful memories I want to write down.
Something really cool happened back in May. A friend from my neighborhood asked her husband for a "girl getaway" for her birthday. So, he booked this amazing vacation home in Ogden Valley that had a giant living room, tons of beds, a hot tub and its own indoor pool. Their family went up alone for one night, then he took their kids home and she invited all of her girlfriends to stay the next two nights.
It was a beautiful, relaxing time. We had a bunco night, movies, games, delicious food and lots of down time for a giant group of lovely ladies. I felt really blessed to be a part of it.
Our summer started out with a bang! As soon as school got out, Brian and my parents and I loaded up the kids and drove to Disneyland for four unforgettable days at the park and an equally extraordinary day at the beach. This will be fully memorialized in a separate post complete with pictures.
Our amusement park fun continued as we enjoyed our Lagoon passes. Around the beginning of August I heard Ian tell a friend that we had been to Lagoon 20-30 times with our passes. We hadn't been anywhere near that many times, but I LOVED that he thought we had. I was able to take the kids to Frightmares twice. I knew the second time would be our last visit for the season. But, it was so much fun it made me wish we could go one more time. The next week, my mom surprised me by taking Ian and Isaac on a weeknight (they were open weeknights leading up to Halloween). I couldn't tell who was more excited about the short lines and all of the rides they were able to get on -- them or her! I love my mom and how much fun she is.
Another exciting event in our summer was when Brian's parents returned from their two-year mission to the Philippines. So great to have them back! We celebrated with family gatherings, including a sibling/spouse dinner at Maddox Steakhouse -- one of my most favorite restaurants.
Here is a tender mercy story I want to share.
When we bought our house three years ago, instead of selling our old house we carried the financing for lease-to-own buyers.
When Brian's parents left on their mission, they generously offered to let us drive their natural gas 12-passenger van. This was great for so many reasons. For one, I loved having all of those seat belts. For another, it allowed us to sell our silver Honda minivan (which we owned) giving us some needed equity to start on the many home improvements our home required.
Of course, life never goes quite the way you plan. Just when we were looking into buying another van, our lease-to-own buyers called to tell us they were moving to Colorado. Adding an extra mortgage and a car payment to our list of expenses at the same time wasn't sounding good.
As I recorded earlier, my Pappa (Grandfather) passed away in July. When I went out for the funeral, my mom and her three siblings were discussing what to do with all of his vehicles, and it turned out my dad was able to drive one of my Pappa's vans from Kentucky to Utah for Brian and I to use!
My parents arrived back in Utah with the van the same night Brian's parents returned from the Philippines. It makes me feel really blessed when I think about it.
Now we have a 7-passenger van. It's about the same size as the 12-passenger, so there is lots of leg room. Watch out for this Nicholson family and our vans! I can't wait to take it on a road trip.
Summer was really special this year. My kids were old enough that I wasn't completely exhausted (13, 11, 8 and 5). But, they were still young enough that they thought Disneyland and hanging out with the family were cool.
I tried to soak in the moments as much as possible. Really, I did. There were two times that I got to take the kids to Lagoon-a-Beach (Lagoon's water park). Katie and Isaac wanted to stay by me in the giant lazy river. They don't make them like that anymore -- twisting around the entire park, through a cave, and with giant waterfalls along the way. Isaac had his own tube, but, Katie was my motor. She was so cute, hanging on to the handle of my tube steering me around. I wanted to bottle up how much love I felt for those two in those moments and savor it forever.
It is one of those seasons of my life where I wish time would pause. I'm really enjoying the journey right now.
We missed out on Moosehorn -- the annual Nicholson reunion in the Uintahs. It's the first time we've completely missed it since the first year it happened, when Sophie was a few months old. It fell during a particularly busy week in August, right when our buyers moved out. We were hoping to go up for one day, but, in the end we decided to put all of our efforts into getting our old house ready to be listed. We had high hopes that it would sell that month! Now it is November and it's still listed - haha! But, it's alright. We feel optimistic and we have adjusted our price so that it will hopefully sell quickly. Before Christmas would be nice.
We did, however, make a quick 24-hour trip to our favorite cabin on the beach at Bear Lake. It was exquisite as always. I will miss that cabin so much! It will be sold soon and we will have to make a new Bear Lake tradition.
Right before the kids went back to school, Brian and I were asked to create a 65-page publication for the National Hispanic Chamber of Commerce Convention that was held in Salt Lake City in September. It was a very exciting project. I am so proud of how it turned out.
Working on it made me feel like I did when I had a newborn. No time to shower or take care of myself at all. The house was a mess and I barely got any sleep for a three-week span. I wrote all but three of the stories and Brian took almost all of the photographs and did the layout and design. It was exciting to talk to so many successful business owners in Utah about why this is a great place to live.
I agree. I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to thinking Utah as a fabulous place.
As soon as I awoke from this whirlwind of winding up summer, getting the kids back to school, celebrating Isaac's 9th birthday, and completing the magazine, it was already a week into September.
I forgot to add that right before we finished the magazine, we spent a couple of days with some friends at a cabin in the Uintahs. It was a much needed change of pace for us. I felt like I was breathing and drinking in the relaxation. Completely unplugged. We suddenly had some very serious business of putting together 1,000 piece puzzles and watching our kids on the zip line. Absolute heaven.
So--it was September and I desperately needed to start getting dressed again instead of wearing my version of sweats (workout clothes) all day every day. My house needed lots of attention. My kids needed lots of attention. There were many things to focus on, yet I somehow found myself planning a 5K fundraiser for the junior high.
Well--because I am the PTA president this year and the school needed money and although I tried hard to make it go away, it didn't. So, in the end, Brian, I, and a handful of volunteers just put ourselves out there and did it. The run was on Nov. 1 and we were able to raise more than $4,000 for the school. Even though I was so stressed about how we would find the time to make it happen (and, I even had my first real life chest pains where I thought I might be having a heart attack in the middle of the night right after we said we would go ahead and do it), I can now say that it was an awesome experience and I am glad we did it.
It was very heartwarming to see so many sponsors from the community hand over support to our school. It feels good knowing that a few of us who didn't have the time and didn't know what we were doing were able to rally and raise money that was needed. I think we may even have to do it again next year.
The other thing that happened in September is that I kind of, sort of, got laid off.
I mean -- freelancers can't really get laid off because they aren't really employed. But, I have had a very regular gig with the Standard Examiner as an entertainment writer for the past 15-years. For the past year, I was pretty much the only entertainment correspondent and the regular writer for the restaurant and theater beats. They even listed my name in the front of the Friday entertainment section with the regular staffers for the first time. But, there have been a lot of weird shake-ups at the newspaper. Things have been especially turbulent for the past year and a half. There have been a lot of lay-offs and cuts and this time they had to cut the entertainment freelance budget due to advertising cuts. Now, I only cover a dining story once a week.
It's the way things are for the print newspaper business these days.
My emotions about this are hard to put into words. For months leading up to this news, Brian and I had actually had numerous discussions about feeling like I was more needed in the home. I felt it strongly in my heart and Brian agreed. Our home, our kids, our family needed more of my focus and attention than I was able to give as long as I was running a daycare five days a week and writing 5-6 stories every week. It had been so very long since I had had a single day, including weekends, when I didn't have to work on stories.
That is probably the biggest reason I am never available to update this blog. I like to write -- But, I'm doing it all day every day people!
We even met with the bishop and I told him the desires of my heart. I mostly expected him to say, "Pull your head out of the clouds darlin'. Those kids need food on the table, not some daydreaming, idealistic mother who reads them bedtime stories and takes them to the park." But, he didn't. He said I needed to really listen to those feelings. I was so relieved by his advice. I left his office feeling calm and happy. But, then what?
Was I suppose to quit babysitting? Was I suppose to quit writing? It didn't feel right to just quit when we had not plan B in place. Plus, I love the kids I watch and I love writing for the newspaper. It's interesting though, that when you take a lot of different things that you love and try to do them all at the same time, it can be hard to love any of it.
So, really, when the newspaper told me, it felt like the right thing. I mean, it could not have possibly been more unexpected. It blindsided me. It was, in many ways, devastating. For about a week, I didn't know what to think. Was I suppose to look for another job? Was I suppose to celebrate?
In one way, it was a relief to no longer have to go, go, go every single day. But, in another way, it was hard because, of course, I want the newspaper to be like, "We love you so much and we can't live without you and we would be crushed if you didn't do what you do every day." That would be nice. And, paychecks are nice.
I know the editor I work for directly was sad. It was something that came from higher up, from people I have never met and who don't know me from a complete stranger. So, whatever.
Heavenly Father knew what I needed. And, after I had the adequate amount of time for that to wash over me, life has become so beautiful. We still have two mortgages and it's a little bit scary to lose that pretty substantial paycheck. But, everything feels so much more peaceful and balanced and I am optimistic to see what is to come.
Something really cool happened back in May. A friend from my neighborhood asked her husband for a "girl getaway" for her birthday. So, he booked this amazing vacation home in Ogden Valley that had a giant living room, tons of beds, a hot tub and its own indoor pool. Their family went up alone for one night, then he took their kids home and she invited all of her girlfriends to stay the next two nights.
It was a beautiful, relaxing time. We had a bunco night, movies, games, delicious food and lots of down time for a giant group of lovely ladies. I felt really blessed to be a part of it.
Our summer started out with a bang! As soon as school got out, Brian and my parents and I loaded up the kids and drove to Disneyland for four unforgettable days at the park and an equally extraordinary day at the beach. This will be fully memorialized in a separate post complete with pictures.
Our amusement park fun continued as we enjoyed our Lagoon passes. Around the beginning of August I heard Ian tell a friend that we had been to Lagoon 20-30 times with our passes. We hadn't been anywhere near that many times, but I LOVED that he thought we had. I was able to take the kids to Frightmares twice. I knew the second time would be our last visit for the season. But, it was so much fun it made me wish we could go one more time. The next week, my mom surprised me by taking Ian and Isaac on a weeknight (they were open weeknights leading up to Halloween). I couldn't tell who was more excited about the short lines and all of the rides they were able to get on -- them or her! I love my mom and how much fun she is.
Another exciting event in our summer was when Brian's parents returned from their two-year mission to the Philippines. So great to have them back! We celebrated with family gatherings, including a sibling/spouse dinner at Maddox Steakhouse -- one of my most favorite restaurants.
Here is a tender mercy story I want to share.
When we bought our house three years ago, instead of selling our old house we carried the financing for lease-to-own buyers.
When Brian's parents left on their mission, they generously offered to let us drive their natural gas 12-passenger van. This was great for so many reasons. For one, I loved having all of those seat belts. For another, it allowed us to sell our silver Honda minivan (which we owned) giving us some needed equity to start on the many home improvements our home required.
Of course, life never goes quite the way you plan. Just when we were looking into buying another van, our lease-to-own buyers called to tell us they were moving to Colorado. Adding an extra mortgage and a car payment to our list of expenses at the same time wasn't sounding good.
As I recorded earlier, my Pappa (Grandfather) passed away in July. When I went out for the funeral, my mom and her three siblings were discussing what to do with all of his vehicles, and it turned out my dad was able to drive one of my Pappa's vans from Kentucky to Utah for Brian and I to use!
My parents arrived back in Utah with the van the same night Brian's parents returned from the Philippines. It makes me feel really blessed when I think about it.
Now we have a 7-passenger van. It's about the same size as the 12-passenger, so there is lots of leg room. Watch out for this Nicholson family and our vans! I can't wait to take it on a road trip.
Summer was really special this year. My kids were old enough that I wasn't completely exhausted (13, 11, 8 and 5). But, they were still young enough that they thought Disneyland and hanging out with the family were cool.
I tried to soak in the moments as much as possible. Really, I did. There were two times that I got to take the kids to Lagoon-a-Beach (Lagoon's water park). Katie and Isaac wanted to stay by me in the giant lazy river. They don't make them like that anymore -- twisting around the entire park, through a cave, and with giant waterfalls along the way. Isaac had his own tube, but, Katie was my motor. She was so cute, hanging on to the handle of my tube steering me around. I wanted to bottle up how much love I felt for those two in those moments and savor it forever.
It is one of those seasons of my life where I wish time would pause. I'm really enjoying the journey right now.
We missed out on Moosehorn -- the annual Nicholson reunion in the Uintahs. It's the first time we've completely missed it since the first year it happened, when Sophie was a few months old. It fell during a particularly busy week in August, right when our buyers moved out. We were hoping to go up for one day, but, in the end we decided to put all of our efforts into getting our old house ready to be listed. We had high hopes that it would sell that month! Now it is November and it's still listed - haha! But, it's alright. We feel optimistic and we have adjusted our price so that it will hopefully sell quickly. Before Christmas would be nice.
We did, however, make a quick 24-hour trip to our favorite cabin on the beach at Bear Lake. It was exquisite as always. I will miss that cabin so much! It will be sold soon and we will have to make a new Bear Lake tradition.
Right before the kids went back to school, Brian and I were asked to create a 65-page publication for the National Hispanic Chamber of Commerce Convention that was held in Salt Lake City in September. It was a very exciting project. I am so proud of how it turned out.
Working on it made me feel like I did when I had a newborn. No time to shower or take care of myself at all. The house was a mess and I barely got any sleep for a three-week span. I wrote all but three of the stories and Brian took almost all of the photographs and did the layout and design. It was exciting to talk to so many successful business owners in Utah about why this is a great place to live.
I agree. I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to thinking Utah as a fabulous place.
As soon as I awoke from this whirlwind of winding up summer, getting the kids back to school, celebrating Isaac's 9th birthday, and completing the magazine, it was already a week into September.
I forgot to add that right before we finished the magazine, we spent a couple of days with some friends at a cabin in the Uintahs. It was a much needed change of pace for us. I felt like I was breathing and drinking in the relaxation. Completely unplugged. We suddenly had some very serious business of putting together 1,000 piece puzzles and watching our kids on the zip line. Absolute heaven.
So--it was September and I desperately needed to start getting dressed again instead of wearing my version of sweats (workout clothes) all day every day. My house needed lots of attention. My kids needed lots of attention. There were many things to focus on, yet I somehow found myself planning a 5K fundraiser for the junior high.
Well--because I am the PTA president this year and the school needed money and although I tried hard to make it go away, it didn't. So, in the end, Brian, I, and a handful of volunteers just put ourselves out there and did it. The run was on Nov. 1 and we were able to raise more than $4,000 for the school. Even though I was so stressed about how we would find the time to make it happen (and, I even had my first real life chest pains where I thought I might be having a heart attack in the middle of the night right after we said we would go ahead and do it), I can now say that it was an awesome experience and I am glad we did it.
It was very heartwarming to see so many sponsors from the community hand over support to our school. It feels good knowing that a few of us who didn't have the time and didn't know what we were doing were able to rally and raise money that was needed. I think we may even have to do it again next year.
The other thing that happened in September is that I kind of, sort of, got laid off.
I mean -- freelancers can't really get laid off because they aren't really employed. But, I have had a very regular gig with the Standard Examiner as an entertainment writer for the past 15-years. For the past year, I was pretty much the only entertainment correspondent and the regular writer for the restaurant and theater beats. They even listed my name in the front of the Friday entertainment section with the regular staffers for the first time. But, there have been a lot of weird shake-ups at the newspaper. Things have been especially turbulent for the past year and a half. There have been a lot of lay-offs and cuts and this time they had to cut the entertainment freelance budget due to advertising cuts. Now, I only cover a dining story once a week.
It's the way things are for the print newspaper business these days.
My emotions about this are hard to put into words. For months leading up to this news, Brian and I had actually had numerous discussions about feeling like I was more needed in the home. I felt it strongly in my heart and Brian agreed. Our home, our kids, our family needed more of my focus and attention than I was able to give as long as I was running a daycare five days a week and writing 5-6 stories every week. It had been so very long since I had had a single day, including weekends, when I didn't have to work on stories.
That is probably the biggest reason I am never available to update this blog. I like to write -- But, I'm doing it all day every day people!
We even met with the bishop and I told him the desires of my heart. I mostly expected him to say, "Pull your head out of the clouds darlin'. Those kids need food on the table, not some daydreaming, idealistic mother who reads them bedtime stories and takes them to the park." But, he didn't. He said I needed to really listen to those feelings. I was so relieved by his advice. I left his office feeling calm and happy. But, then what?
Was I suppose to quit babysitting? Was I suppose to quit writing? It didn't feel right to just quit when we had not plan B in place. Plus, I love the kids I watch and I love writing for the newspaper. It's interesting though, that when you take a lot of different things that you love and try to do them all at the same time, it can be hard to love any of it.
So, really, when the newspaper told me, it felt like the right thing. I mean, it could not have possibly been more unexpected. It blindsided me. It was, in many ways, devastating. For about a week, I didn't know what to think. Was I suppose to look for another job? Was I suppose to celebrate?
In one way, it was a relief to no longer have to go, go, go every single day. But, in another way, it was hard because, of course, I want the newspaper to be like, "We love you so much and we can't live without you and we would be crushed if you didn't do what you do every day." That would be nice. And, paychecks are nice.
I know the editor I work for directly was sad. It was something that came from higher up, from people I have never met and who don't know me from a complete stranger. So, whatever.
Heavenly Father knew what I needed. And, after I had the adequate amount of time for that to wash over me, life has become so beautiful. We still have two mortgages and it's a little bit scary to lose that pretty substantial paycheck. But, everything feels so much more peaceful and balanced and I am optimistic to see what is to come.
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