Baby Kate

For a long time - what feels like forever - and what has probably been for about a year, Brian has been Katie's favorite parent.

I don't mind him being the favorite. I recognize that he is the "fun one." I know that all kids go through phases at this age where they pick favorites.

I remember that our other kids went through a stage where they were super attached to Brian too. But, it has been different with Katie. When the other kids ranked daddy as #1, I was still a very close #2. With Katie, it's almost been as if she has to prove her loyalty to daddy by outright rejecting me. Even when he's not around.

It's been hard. She is my baby. First, she could not wait to wean herself (we barely made it to her first birthday), and then this. She hasn't wanted me to snuggle her, or rock with her, or lay with her at bedtime. She hasn't wanted me to comfort her when she is hurt or upset.

Rejection.

I've tried to remind myself that being "the favorite" isn't always all it's cracked up to be. Especially at times - like while we were at Bear Lake - when Brian would be ragged from all of the clinging and he would want a break, but, she wouldn't go to anyone else. Especially not me. I was like, "Sorry babe, I'd love to help you and give you a break but she just doesn't want me." It was kind of a relief as I remembered the many, many times I've been at the other end of that statement over the past ten years.

But, mostly, it hurt my feelings. A lot.

Kate is my baby, and I was kind of hoping she would be a snuggly sweet baby who loves her mommy for awhile. At least the first 18-years.

Kidding.

This stage passes way to quickly. I want to enjoy it.

I have also been perplexed about what I am doing wrong. None of my other kids rejected me like this. (Answer: I think it is because I don't have time to play anymore.)

In the past few weeks, something has happened and, just like that, I'm back in her good graces. Last Saturday night we went to a performance at a park and Katie sprawled out on my lap for over an hour. I held my breath that it would last and relished every moment.

It has been a gift the way she has clung to me at bedtime instead of pushing me away and has insisted that I lay beside her while her tiny eyes flutter and her little breaths become more shallow.

I am cherishing these moments.

I know Brian feels a little thwarted. He has really been basking in his time in the spotlight ("you are the favorite to all the others," he would say). I'd love it if she would just pick us both instead of one or the other. But, this is a mommy payday that I really need. Thanks baby Kate.

P.S. Have I ever mentioned that Isaac laughs out loud in his sleep? Who does that? It is one of his most endearing traits.