Suicide

Chad and Dori moved into out ward while we were living in China. It was ten years ago that we returned from our travels abroad to our house on 25th street to meet these new ward members -- Dori, a spicy red-head, and her husband Chad who was bald and had the same glasses as Brian, creating enough resemblance between the two that sometimes our youngest kids would walk up to the wrong "dad."

I was instantly attracted to Dori's zesty and honest personality. She was so intelligent and had interesting insights on every topic. Chad was one of the most creative people I had met. He was always creating elaborate holiday decorations for their home, themed parties for Weber State University, and their family always had the best Halloween costumes around.

When I met Dori she was working as an independent grant writer for the city while trying to juggle a large and very young family. When she and Chad married, Dori already had a daughter. They decided they would have two more kids together -- which they did in rapid succession. With three children, they felt their family was complete. But, another baby came soon after that. When birth control failed them a second time and their fifth child was born, Dori opted to have her tubes tied. Crazy story is that she somehow conceived a sixth child. Her first daughter was about seven years older than the kids Chad and Dori had together. The five kids they had together were born in seven years and three of them were unexpected.

I am sure it was challenging to balance all of this, but Chad and Dori did it with smiles on their faces, using humor to keep going through the daily struggles and uplifting the people around them all the time.

I know all of this because, as I mentioned before, Dori had a very open and honest personality and shared so many things. She shared the marital challenges that she and Chad had which, quite frankly blew my mind as I learned about all they had been through. At one point when they were separated, we had a conversation during which Dori was gasping for breath and crying so hard. He had done things that I don't know if I could forgive. It was hard for her to forgive too. But, she loved him so much. Instead of being angry, (I'm sure she was angry too), she expressed hurt down to the tips of her toes and just unfathomable anguish at being separated from her soulmate, her true love, her best friend in the entire world.

They made it through some of the toughest struggles I've ever known of married couples to face. They had both had difficult childhoods, and their love for each other as they created a beautiful life for their own family was evident, even if they were not perfect individuals. In fact, the openness and honesty about their imperfections made them all the more endearing in this world where life is so very, very messy and real.

I loved Dori for her cheeky sass and I loved Chad for his kindness. They both had so much positive energy and optimism for life and infectious smiles. I loved their brood of freckle faced kids. I loved their love story that endured all things and fought hard to keep going and to truly forgive and to keep loving through hard things.

That is why I was so sad to learn Friday night that Chad took his life. I keep thinking about my conversation with Dori when she thought their marriage might be over and how heartbroken she was not to have him in her life as her partner every day. I remember how happy she was when they started dating again and when they were finally able to heal the wounds and stay together.

Suicide is so tough. Just two months ago, a neighbor who lives a block from us also took his life. He and his wife had been together 25-years since they were sweethearts in high school. Both of these men, Chad (and Danny) were so beloved by our community. They could always be found at events aimed at making Ogden a better place. They were family guys who loved their wives and children. It is hard to see this happen to two beautiful families.

My heart does feel more at peace than it did twelve years ago when Brian's good friend Scott took his life. That was my first experience of losing someone close to me to suicide ever. It took a long time for me to wrap my brain around what had happened. We had been on a couples trip to Moab with Scott and his wife a few months before, and we were preparing to take another couples trip to Moab with them in one week when Scott died. On our trip and the double dates that followed, we had laughed so hard and had such good times together. Like Chad and Danny, Scott was one of the most friendly, easy-going, optimistic and happy people I had known. I always felt great when I was around him. He had four kids between 12-18. How was it possible? I felt like my entire world was turned upside down. The belief I had been taught at that time was that there was no redemption for those who took their own lives. That left me with a very raw feeling inside.

After losing these three amazing men in such a surprising way, it makes me ponder about how we truly never know the sorrows those around us are battling every day. I know that God is a loving God and would never cancel out a life of good deeds based on suicide. My heart is aching for their families and I feel sad thinking about them being in such a dark place in their final moments. But, I am so grateful that they can finally rest and have peace in their souls and pray for those left behind.