I Heart Ogden: The Treasures of Ballets Russes

Last night, my mom, Sophie and I went to the Ballet at Weber State. I found a screaming deal on the tickets from the Ogden Symphony Ballet Association. I wasn't really sure what to expect, so you can imagine my happy surprise when I showed up and found out it was Ballet West putting on their spring performance, Ballets Russes. The show was phenomenal. I feel so lucky to have this in my own backyard.

Sophie brought along a notebook and wrote down what the dancers were doing and wearing play-by-play throughout the show. I loved hearing her read it back to us when it was over. As we walked to the car and she was being all goofy and skippy and singy, my mom said, "I'm so glad she is still a little girl. In eight more years she'll be all grown up!" Yes, I am so glad she is still a little girl too. And, even more glad that she is a little girl who loves the ballet. And, even more glad that she wrote it all down reporter fashion. That's my girl.

Having My Cake, But Not Getting To Eat It Too

As I previously posted -- I was caught completely by surprise on Tuesday with an offer from the Deseret News to write a weekly history piece.

My elation was tempered on Thursday when I spoke to my current editor and found out that they have a strict policy about their freelancers not writing for other newspapers. So sad! The D-News knew I was already writing for the Ogden newspaper, and they were fine with it. But, as it turned out, the feeling was not mutual on Ogden's end.

What to do? I've been writing for the Ogden newspaper for nearly 10-years. Doing it for all this time has helped me gain a bit of seniority and freedom with the articles I write. I love doing the weekly restaurant features and they pay me very well -- surprisingly even more than the D-News will pay me for the weekly history pieces. I love writing for the features editor. It is where I hoped to someday end up when I first began writing for the newspaper and I've felt so blessed to get to do exactly what I wanted to do.

At the same time, moving on to a larger newspaper (and, the newspaper where my hubby now works) seems like the natural progression in writing for me. It's difficult to know what doors may open up to me if I make the switch. Plus, the history pieces will challenge my intellect more than the restaurant features. It seems like a short term loss (more work for less money) for a possible long term gain (more job satisfaction and perhaps equal money eventually).

Do I go for easy money? Or, do I be true to myself and take on a new challenge?

In response to my dilemma, the D-News generously offered to delay their history segment until the end of the month (so that the Standard can finish running the restaurant features I've already written without creating a conflict). And, just today, they sweetened the deal even further by offering me the chance to be their Ogden correspondent. Which means, I would get to write one or two stories per month relating to Ogden in addition to the weekly pieces. I have waited for 4 1/2 years for them to ask me to write for them.

Can you tell I'm kind of leaning toward taking on the new challenge of the D-News? But, easy money and familiarity. Now, that's hard to let go of . . .

Big Baby, New Gig

I had my 31-week check-up today, and all is well. The baby is measuring more than 2 weeks ahead of schedule and already weighs 5 pounds 4 ounces! The Doc said she will most likely be nine-pounds if I go full-term. That would be a first as my largest so far (Soph) was 7 lbs. 11 oz. I'm hoping she is just planning to make her appearance in the world a teensy bit early and trying to chub up a little ahead of schedule.

My Doctor was running behind, and while I was in the waiting room, I got a phone call from the Deseret News asking me to write a weekly historic feature! I am so excited. I've wanted to write for them for quite some time and this seems to be the perfect fit. I'm grateful for the chance to write for another newspaper, happy that I can do everything from home, and excited for the assignment because I'm kind of a history nerd.

I'm a little nervous to be starting something new this close to having another baby. But, oh well, when is the timing of these things ever really perfect? I'm hoping to work really hard over the next few weeks to get four weeks ahead on the restaurant features and now these historic pieces so I can take a little breather in the hazy post-baby honeymoon days to come.

My Parenting Evolution

Even whilst my firstborn was in the womb, I began my obsession with reading everything I could get my hands on regarding parenting. In addition to books, I subscribed to multiple parenting magazines and read them cover to cover upon arrival every month. All of this reading has definitely not made me an expert on the subject, but, I do think it is interesting in retrospect to see how my parenting style has changed over the years from rigid to laid-back.

Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

This is the first parenting book I read. I was determined to take their hard nose approach with my kids. I would not be a "helicopter" parent. I would carefully sidestep the "dictator" role as well. By the time Sophie was a year old, we were implementing time-outs. And, shortly thereafter, we were having discussions about privileges (and the possibility of losing them), consequences, and we were making choices. This was a good place for me to start my parenting evolution, and Sophie responded well to the principles taught in this book. However, I've since decided that it is far too harsh. I mean, come on -- it says you can't take a school assignment to your child if he forgets it or he will never learn to be responsible. Ummm, I'm a fully grown adult and I still need people to bail me out from time to time when I am forgetful. It's not because I'm irresponsible, it's because I'm human. And, I would hope that those who love me would take a loving approach when I do stupid things rather than trying to always teach me a lesson. And, I totally disagree with them on withholding food as a consequence, as in, the child does not finish their chores before dinnertime, so you make them do the chore while you serve dinner to the rest of the family and then say, "Oh, sorry, now the kitchen is closed, hope you do your chores before dinner next time." Harsh. I think we have enough childhood issues with over-eating and/or eating disorders as it is. Plus, my kitchen never really closes, I'm not that rigid about mealtimes. Finally, the thing I find most disturbing about this book is it's premise (as with many parenting books) that if you don't follow their advice exactly, with complete consistency, then your kids will never ever learn to respect you and you will have failed as a parent.

The Scientist in the Crib: Minds, Brains, and How Children Learn by Alison Gopnik, Andre Meltzoff and Patricia Kuhl

Not so much a parenting book, but a fascinating read about scientific studies and research on how and when infants and young children learn and understand certain concepts. It was helpful to me as a parent to realize things like, my child didn't just pour the milk from her cup into her toy dumptruck just to make me insane, but, because she is in the "cause and effect" stage and it's a perfectly normal and necessary phase of her development. It helps eliminate anger and unecessary punishments.

On becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo and Dr. Robert Bucknam

I got this book when Ian was an infant and cried incessantly. I do think this book gives useful advice about putting your infant on a schedule. Although, it makes me sad when people try to put their infants on schedules too soon (they have to reach a certain body weight around 2-3 months, even older for small babies before they can self regulate and be on a schedule). Feeding Ian on a 3-hour schedule was helpful because he had tummy troubles. So, before I read this book, it would go something like this: Feed, after 30-minutes food begins to upset tummy, feed again as a source of comfort, and so the vicious cycle continues. This book is the opposite of attachment parenting, and, in fact, openly mocks those who ascribe to attachment parenting. One part says something like, "You are not a marsupial. You should not be schlepping that baby around like Joey Kangaroo." I was fine with this when I read the book because I was sure I would never, ever be into attachment parenting. Rule #1 at my house was, sleep in your own bed. Rule #2, learn to self-soothe. And, so on and so forth. Guess who was schlepping baby #3 around like Joey Kangaroo in her beloved new Ergo and co-sleeping for the first few months? Never say never.

My two favorite parenting books so far are:
Siblings Without Rivalry and
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

These are my two most valuable resources when it comes to parenting. I had searched and searched for some advice on how to help Sophie and Ian forge bonds of love in what seemed to be a hopeless state of rivalry when I came across these gems. After reading Siblings Without Rivalry, things improved. After reading it again, things improved more. Whenever things seem to get sticky, I read it again, and guess what? Things always improve. I love these books the most of any on the list because they teach you that you should talk to and listen to your kids (as opposed to just doling out punishments and commands) and how to do it effectively.

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Shortly after Isaac was born, I attended a lecture by Alfie Kohn, which I both enjoyed and found liberating. I then read the book, and I have to say here that the book is very poorly written. People who value well-written books beware. I also have to say that, a good friend and I both took this book to heart and tried our best to follow the principles, but, we both found that too strict of adherance only led to ill-behaved children. With all of that said, I now insert that this lecture and book were exactly what I needed at that time in my life with three pre-schoolers at home for two years. What was liberating was hearing someone say, "It's okay to follow your instincts. In fact, it is a good thing to be more loving." I agree that the majority of parenting advice is big on discipline and small on loving your kids, paying attention to them, and talking things out. Before I read this book, my instincts often told me to be more loving, while a nagging voice in the back of my head said, "You know you are ruining your kids forever! What about consistency?" Kohn says we shouldn't judge our kids as "good" or "bad" based on how big of a pain in the neck they are being to us. Maybe an extremely active and inquisitive kid is just as good or even more desirable than a kid who sits quietly with his arms folded. He asserts that having kids really is quite inconvenient and if parents aren't up to the task, well, then maybe they should have gotten a fish. I love that he advises to allow for "off" days. For example, if your kid is normally well behaved, and, one day he is super-whiney, disobedient, or whatever, well, then, maybe he is tired or not feeling well. It's better to give him extra love than discipline in that situation. Even though the book, if taken too far, will, in my opinion, lead to disaster, it still contained some of the most helpful pieces of parenting advice I've found in my parenting evolution.

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

While a somewhat "unconditional parenting" approach worked best when all of my kids were small, we suddenly reached that bigger kid stage (when Sophie entered the first-grade) and I found I needed a whole new arsenal to get my slightly older children to respect, obey and start taking responsibility (such as cleaning their rooms). A friend who has incredibly well-behaved kids recommended this book. It advocates spanking as instructed by the Bible. I sincerely tried to take this book to heart. And, against everything in my nature, I spanked my kids without anger as the book said. After about a month, I abandoned it. I don't believe in spanking my kids (although I have found threats of a spanking to be effective since they were young even if I never follow through -- it's like my way of saying, "I mean it!"). The biggest thing that did not ring true to me about this book is the statement that even babies need to have their hearts turned to Jesus, because of my belief that children are not accountable for their sins until the age of eight. I did, however, take one thing from this book. I like to use the scriptures to teach them obedience and Christlike attributes. But, I do not believe in instilling the fear of God in them with the power of the rod.

Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who is Bright, Bored, and Having Problems in School by Lucy Jo Palladino

This is an interesting book that I'm currently thumbing through from time to time. I just can't bring myself to read it cover to cover. It was recommended to me after Sophie's piano teacher, school teacher, and leaders in the primary started suggesting the term ADD last fall. I think ADD and ADHD are the most overused terms in reference to children today. I am strongly opposed to medicating children for behavior except in the most extreme cases. "Hi. So you think my daughter may have ADD because she has trouble concentrating. Have you met my youngest son? He's the one getting ready to jump from the top of my mini-van in the 8-seconds I turned away from him to have this conversation with you. No, we don't use the terms ADD and hyperactive around here. But, thank you anyways." From what I've read in this book, I'd say Sophie may be just a bit of a dreamer, and, mostly a normal 8-year-old kid. But, what I really found interesting about this book is the way the discoverer and dynamo profiles fit Isaac. I love that they have re-framed kids who don't fit "the mold" as Edison Trait children. It focuses on the positive things about their vast intelligence and potential and gives great advice on how to help them succeed.

To recap, the more I know about parenting, the more I realize that I have yet to learn. It's interesting to look back and see my pendulum swing from strict (Love & Logic) to super-softy (unconditional parenting) to the place where I seem to find the most joy -- leading with love and sprinkling some good discipline sessions in there when necessary. If you know me, you know I'm a bit on the softy side. Now, on to dealing with that problem of realizing that Isaac is a bit spoiled and the problem of teaching Sophie to keep her room clean . . .

What parenting books have you found to be helpful? What is your best parenting style?

Dream Big

Happy St. Patty's Day! My boys are afflicted with a strange virus (fevers and tummy aches but no throwing up) for the 4th day in a row. So, to cheer them up, I bought a really colorful St. Patty's balloon bouquet. When Sophie came home from school, the balloon bouquet was surrounded by little bags of gold from the leprechaun (Ritz bits dipped in butterscotch). We had a nice time wearing green and lying around the house. But, that isn't what this post is about.

This is about my big dream.

First of all, I must mention, that Brian and I just finished a Dave Ramsey finance course offered through our lovely stake. It was entertaining and informative. If you've ever seen the SNL skit "Don't Buy Things You Cannot Afford" -- it was kind of like that. Only for two hours every Thursday night for 10-weeks. I wanted to post the video here, but, gave up after an hour of unsuccessful attempts. If you haven't seen it, google it and watch it. I'm serious. It's funny.

One of the classes I attended (so sad that Brian had to work on that particular night) was about employment. I entered the class expecting to hear something along the lines of "It doesn't matter what you want to do, get your buns out there and do whatever it takes to earn money. I don't care if you are throwing papers and delivering pizzas or vice-versa. Just do what it takes people!" Or, something like that. And, I'm sure I was bemoaning the fact that once again I had a babysitter and would rather be on a date or doing anything other than the whipping chamber (though, truly, the videos always proved to be entertaining and I found myself consistently leaving with a better attitude than I came with).

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised by a lecture that left me feeling inspired.

Dave Ramsey posed the question, "If time and money were no obstacle, what would be your dream career?" And, in my inspired frame of mind, I really took it to heart, and here is what I came up with:

First of all, I wouldn't necessarily move into a larger or nicer home, but I would do a couple of things to this one. Namely, make the kitchen space larger to accommodate cooking time with my kids better. And, add a fireplace for our cozy reading extravaganzas during the long winters. And, improvements the landscaping, plus, add a treehouse and a hammock in the backyard to encourage us to spend more time outside together in warm weather.

I would pull my kids out of public school and begin my dream of homeschooling (remember I am a career stay-at-home-mom, and, well, now that money and time are no object I'm not going to be over-tired and overwhelmed with housework). We would do tons of reading and exploring together. And, spend lots and lots of time outdoors, in the yard, at parks, at lakes and in the mountains. I'm thinking that we would definitely have to have a homey cabin somewhere, perhaps at Bear Lake, where we could take quiet retreats.

We would take myriads of creative art and music classes. At the top of my personal list would be voice lessons, piano lessons and painting. We would cook even more homemade meals together. And, although I realize I have a duty to teach my children responsibility through hard work (i.e. housework), in my vision we would have a maid service come in a couple of times per month to help out, because, in my opinion, there is just way too much. We don't want to interfere too much with that creative focus. You may not know it from looking at my current state of affairs, but my dream life includes a very tidy home.

Then, I would also fulfill another dream that I have -- to take my kids away somewhere educational for 2-3 months every year (now that they are homeschooled we don't have to worry about them missing too much school, right?). Here are the places at the top of my list:

1) Washington D.C. We would visit all of the Smithsonians and other amazing museums around town, as well as take day-trips to historic sites like Harper's Ferry, Washington's Plantation, Jefferson's home, etc. Oh, and we'd have to spend at least a week in a beach house, of course.

2) Western Europe. To get an in-depth look at European history and art.

3) Israel. Where we would study at length the Old Testament and ancient history, visit all the holy sites in Jerusalem, followed by a thorough reading of the New Testament in Galilee.

4) I also have at least 3 road trips across America mapped out with key sites, family members and friends to visit along the way.

I'm sure we will think of other "must-sees" as the years go by and we continue our studies. Just the other day Sophie told me she learned about Pompei at school and innocently asked me if we could go and see it. "Well sure honey, let's just add that to our list."

Oh, and since most careers include income, here comes that part -- as part of my big dream career outlined above, I'd also like to be paid for writing about our travels and adventures. Perhaps I could write articles for magazines or newspapers. It would be awesome to someday write a book, although I have no idea what it would be about other than my own personal experiences as I have no talent for fiction. Or, maybe I would just have one of those really popular blogs and get paid by advertisers (as opposed to a blog read only by a handful of people who I love, that is non-searchable and not supported by any advertisers). Whatever the outlet for writing would be, I'd be sure to take along my favorite photographer on these adventures.

Well, as far out as all of that may seem, I've heard it said that if you write down a goal it is more likely to be fulfilled. And, if you tell someone that goal, it's even more likely to be achieved. What is your big dream?

You Are Not Alone

When I realized tonight would be the only night this week that Brian would be home for dinner, I decided I should make something nice -- braided French bread pizza from scratch.

The recipe I was using called for me to knead the dough every 10-minutes for an hour. In between kneadings, I put together a sauce. My kitchen is quite small and lacking in counter-top space, so, as I put together the sauce in a pan on the back-burner of my electric stove, I laid the recipe book on the front burner (because, well, really, there isn't anywhere else to put it). Then, I turned on the back burner to simmer the sauce and left the room for a few minutes. Except, I actually didn't turn on the back burner. I turned on the FRONT burner. So, a few minutes later I returned to find the room filled with smoke, the cover of the cookbook melted, and the book seconds away from bursting into flames.

We opened all the windows and doors (at least it was a gorgeous day). But, whereas the kids had been popping in and out of the kitchen saying, "What is that delicious smell?" "It's bread dough my dears." They were now coming in and out of the house saying, "What in the world smells so disgusting!?" "Well, now instead of magnificent bread dough you are inhaling the toxic fumes of melting plastic my dear children."

I continued to work on the pizza, and I came to a step in the instructions that said, "While pre-heating the oven, place an empty pan on lower rack. When the oven is heated, pour water into the pan to create steam." I figured this would give the crust that extra crispy finish or something, so I grabbed the nearest pan and placed it in the oven. When the pizza was ready to be placed in the oven, I opened the door and began pouring water into the pan only to watch with horrified eyes as the pan shattered! That's right, I used a glass pan. And, I refuse to accept that I am so far off-base considering that it was a pan, and it was made to go in the oven. So, even though Brian keeps insisting that it is a simple lesson in physics that I should understand from, say, the way a chip in the windshield will grow into a crack when the temperature outside changes, I still say that I was not expecting that pan to shatter when I tried to create a little steam.

In my extremely pregnant state, I was just a wee-bit shaken by this second hiccup in my attempt to prepare a mere main dish for our family meal. I mean, first I nearly started a fire, then I was faced with risen dough (two-hours in the making) ready to be baked and an oven that needed to be cooled, de-glassed, and re-heated.

I grabbed my phone and called my dear friend who lives four doors down (neighbor-lady to the rescue!). She started pre-heating her oven so that I could bake my pizza while Brian dutifully cleaned the glass out of our oven (super-albeit-head-shaking-hubby to the rescue!). I was feeling pretty lowly, like, "I don't know if I should even be allowed in the kitchen," lowly. And, you know what my friend did? She stood there and told me story after story about ladies who I know, who I greatly admire, and all the stupid things she has personally watched them do. I mean, really put together gals, doing unbelievably stupid things. So, not only was dinner saved, but, I walked away feeling ever so much better about myself. Aren't friends the best?

Joy in the Journey

Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. -- President Thomas S. Monson

I am so grateful for this talk by our great prophet last October.

The months following Thanksgiving were filled with lots of stress -- between the never ending home refinance saga and the looming book deadline -- Brian and I were pretty consumed. Whenever the mortgage company would call us with more gloom and doom and requests for yet more documents, the thing that bothered me the most was that I would find myself bogged down with worry, looking at my darling three-year-old who wanted my attention, feeling unable to disconnect from the demands at hand and just enjoy him.

I needed to follow this wise council from President Monson:

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us."

The first good news of this entry is that -- at long last we were deemed worthy of a refinance! It was a painful process -- six months in the making -- that ended with the mortgage company requiring us to pay them an additional $500 in fees because "it took so long." But, all is well that ends well and extra $500 or not, we are extremely pleased with the end result (envision me jumping up and down with joy as I type this paragraph).

In addition, for the past two-and-a-half months, Brian has been all consumed with trying to get his book project off the ground -- rounding up sponsors, last minute photo shoots, marketing, final edits and trying to figure out whether the whole thing was really a good idea or not. I was beginning to feel that we ate, breathed and slept "Ogden Book". I could see that Brian was having a hard time enjoying the present moment.

Two Sundays ago, he was seeking inspiration about whether or not and/or how to publish the book. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, "I feel like I need to be enjoying the journey." And, to me, that was the best inspiration of all.

So, right after church, we climbed into our big bed with all the kids and had some good quality tickling, wrestling and dog-pile hugging time. And, for one entire day, we did not talk about the book once.

Here are some other things we did to find joy in the journey during that week:

Monday night we had dinner together as a family plus family home evening.

Tuesday we all got new haircuts (Brian's from his friend Bic).

Brian ate breakfast with the family every morning even though he was working until 3 a.m. every night (except Monday which was his night off).

Yoga class two times this week. Yoga days = good days.

Tuesday I received word that Ian's Kindergarten class would be having a substitute teacher for the 3rd day in a row on Wednesday. What is the point of sending your kid to school when everyone is going to be naughty for a frustrated sub who keeps handing out busy work? So, I kept him home. And, my mom and I took him to Karen's Cafe for Mickey Mouse pancakes. And, then I took him to the Library where we played "Sorry" over and over to our hearts' content.

On Friday, my 27-week Doctor visit went very well. I passed my glucose and iron tests. Baby is growing well -- tremendous blessing indeed. And, I only have to get nine more weekly shots (twelve down -- more than halfway there).

The kids had an early out Friday for parent-teacher conferences, so I took them to my mother-in-law's to work on this beautiful quilt for the baby.


Brian's aunt who lives in Sweden pieced it together and now Brian's mom is hand quilting the entire thing. I was able to make it down to her home twice last week to add a few stitches here and there. I feel truly spoiled to be the recipient of this gift.

Friday night, I met up with my awesome sister-in-law and her two kids for a fun swim at the Bountiful Bubble (aka South Davis Recreation Center). Two preggo ladies and their five kids at a pool - woo hoo! Isaac and I even went down the giant slide three times together.

President Monson said, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

I am grateful beyond words that we were able to gain some perspective and enjoy the journey during this last week to book publication. The other good news of this entry is that Brian sent his book to the publisher's on Monday!!! I can't believe it. I am filled with a peace that maybe, just maybe the past four years of our lives have been leading up to this moment in time. I surely hope so. He gets the shipment of about 2,000 copies in 10-12 weeks.