Life Gets Busier

Sometimes I wonder how the people I am surrounded by influence my decisions and shape my world view.

When it comes to extracurricular activities for the kids, I've always believed in moderation.  When my kids were very small, I wanted them to experience many things so that they could figure out what they like.  As they have grown up, I've been a little more reserved about starting Katie and Isaac into sports or lessons as early as I started Sophie and Ian because I've started to figure out that it takes a lot of time and effort to get everyone where they need to be.

What can I say?  When I was new at being a mom I was excited to experience it all -- the Saturday soccer games, the dance recitals, piano lessons . . . Now, I know my kids have plenty of time to do all of these things without starting when they are three.

I allowed them to experience many things, but not all at the same time.  One of my closest friends ran her kids around to a minimum of five extra curricular activities each (times three kids -- they had more than twenty activities going at one time when the oldest was eight years old).   To me, that seemed extreme and I knew I did not want to keep up that kind of schedule for me or my kids.  Although, for the record, I see her kids growing into extremely talented, lovely individuals, so maybe running kids to every activity you can think of is the right way.  I don't know.

Moderation is what feels right to me.  I want my kids to have opportunities.  But, I don't want to be so wrapped up in shuttling them from one place to another that we no longer have any down time.  I feel like down time is important for kids and for families.

Soccer is a big deal for a lot of the families I know.  When Sophie turned four, I did what felt natural in my environment and signed her up for AYSO.  The next year, when she was five and Ian was four, I signed them both up.  But, they cried and protested until I got my money back and decided to bag it that year.

We tried other things.  There was baseball and basketball and gymnastics and ice-skating lessons.  Sophie tried many forms of dance until she figured out hip-hop is her favorite (ballet is her least favorite).  There were piano lessons and hikes and book club meetings with other young friends.  We explored kid friendly destinations and festivals from one end of Ogden to the other.

As the kids got older, scouts and activity days and young men and young women activities naturally became a part of their lives.

Dance and drama have stuck for Sophie.  Piano stuck right away for Ian.  He has kept at basketball because he says he feels like he should (because he is tall).  A year and a half ago, we came full circle back to AYSO when I signed up Ian and Isaac for their first season.

I joked that my procrastination had paid off because Ian, starting so late in life at the ripe age of almost eleven, was pretty good.  He had spent many recesses learning moves from his soccer playing friends who joined comp teams long ago.

Both of my boys played on AYSO teams last year, and this past fall, they began a second season.  The seven weeks of practices and Saturday games ended when October ended and for the first time in our lives we were introduced to indoor soccer.  I signed them both up for a seven week session.  When it ended, we were invited to sign up for another, which we did.  I guess we've had about 20 straight weeks of soccer and counting.

The second session of indoor soccer overlapped with Jr. Jazz (Ogden city) basketball.  Ian's coach was pretty serious and had them practicing 5-6 hours per week.  Suddenly, he has practices for two hours, three nights a week, plus a piano lesson (and one hour per day of practicing), plus a soccer game and a basketball game every Saturday.  He also turned twelve and moved up from cub scouts to regular scouts and young men's.  Suddenly, it's crazy!

Jr. Jazz ended, but his coach invited him to play comp.  I agreed because all of the games are in Ogden, but the rigorous practice schedule will continue.  Indoor soccer is winding down, but the AYSO spring season is just about to start.

In the midst of all this, he wants to try out for comp soccer (his first love when it comes to sports) to begin in the fall so he can improve more rapidly.  I hear all of these stories of moms driving their kids to Logan and Provo on any given Saturday for comp soccer games or even St. George or Nevada for tournaments.  So many families I know spend Thanksgiving at a restaurant every year so their kids can play in a St. George soccer tournament over the break.

This feels a extreme to me.  But, it also feels like everyone is doing it -- so, what is my problem!  I'm not talking about the one crazy mom who enrolls her three kids in twenty different activities at one time (crazy, but I love her).  When I talked this over with Brian, he agreed.  He also feels like everyone we know enrolls their kids in comp soccer.

Switching gears, I would like to tell a story of a fellow in-home licensed child care provider who I met with last week.  She is an amazing individual full of patience and peace.  She has six kids of her own, similar in ages to my kids.  She watches five more kids every day before and after school.  The money is really good and it got me thinking, "Maybe I should do something like that."

But, then I started thinking about the crazy time we have trying to get our four kids out the door for school each morning.  I tried to envision what our mornings would look like trying to feed eleven kids breakfast and get them out the door.  Can you imagine?  My hat is off to her for sure.

She keeps them until 6 p.m. every night.  I said, "How do you do that?  Right when the kids I watch go home at 4:30, I hit the ground running to shuttle everyone to their practices and games."  She said, "We have never enrolled our kids in sports or lessons."

That statement has been simmering in the back of my mind ever since.  It was like a weird wake up call that said, "Not everyone enrolls their kids in multiple extra curricular activities."  My belief system up until that moment was that this is the way things are in 2015.  Times are different from when we were kids.  The new generation wears helmets and seatbelts and braces and, by golly, they can't roam the neighborhood until the sun sets, so they are enrolled in activities to make up for it.

I started to imagine that all of my friends were like this friend.  What if I were surrounded by people who did not enroll their children in extra curricular activities?

I think for me, who I am in my core, I would have still enrolled them in piano and tried a bunch of different sports and activities.  I was truly excited to watch them try all of these things and I have enjoyed the journey for the most part.  But, I don't think I would be feeling pressured, like I do right now, to take everything up a notch and put Ian on comp teams that travel, practice multiple times each week and cost lots of money.

I think it feels right to me to keep things how they are and not add any more crazy to our lives.

Then, I was talking to another friend.  Two of her four are almost completely grown.  She said, "Just do comp soccer and enjoy it.  I'm already starting to see how much I'm going to miss it."

Really?

You will miss all the driving and all of the hours?

Yes, really, she said.  She talked about the friendships she has formed with other parents and the joy her kids have gotten from participating.

Maybe it is like some aspects of parenting where it is easier to quantify the challenges than to describe the joys.

I don't know.

Maybe we just keep doing it until we start to hate it and then we stop.