A Change of Heart

Happy Valentine's Day!  One of my favorite holidays.  I relish celebrating this holiday of love.

In years past, the kids and I have made pink-frosted heart-shaped sugar cookies.  It seems like I'm too busy at Christmas to make sugar cookies, so this is the perfect time of year.  I love making special meals with heart themes to show the "sweethearts" in my life how much I love them.

This year, Valentine's Day came at the end of two of the busiest weeks I have had in a very long time.  In addition to the flood of writing, there were parent-teacher conferences and book fairs to volunteer at and organize at two different schools.  And, I needed to plan the Valentine's Day party for my son's second grade class because I am the room mom.  And, the night before Valentine's Day was the first night of juggling class.  It has been a very busy two weeks and I was feeling tired both physically and creatively.  So, as I sat with another mom/friend Thursday night at juggling class, I lamented that I had nothing special planned for this special holiday.

Friday came and went.  I wrapped up my writing, and we had a fun class party for Isaac.  I somehow got all the kids out the door with bags full of Valentines to pass out to their classmates.  Brian took me out for a lightning fast meal after the babysitting kids went home and before he had to leave for his evening photo assignments.  I picked up fast food for the kids for dinner and we watched the Olympics.  Because, watching the Olympics is fun.  It was a nice day, but our traditions were missing.

Saturday morning, I woke up renewed.  It felt good to put that long two weeks of work behind me and look forward to a long weekend of fun.  I decided it wasn't too late to celebrate the ones I love.  I started with these heart shaped waffles:

Next, I got to use the tickets I bought several months ago to take my mom to see "Les Miserables" at the Hale Centre Theatre.  It was breathtaking.  It exceeded my expectations from start to finish.  I loved it so much!  Every cast member nailed their part.  The music was so, so beautiful.  I can't find enough words to say how much I loved the production and how much I loved getting to spend the day with my mom.

That was a matinee, so when we got back to Ogden, my mom sweetly took Katie to her house for a sleepover so Brian and I could take the three older kids out for an evening with friends and their kids.

First, we had a delicious dinner at a restaurant our friends just discovered (and introduced us to) -- Smokin' Bones.  I'm not even a huge fan of BBQ, but the food was so good.  And, Isaac got to eat a hot dog deep fried in a scone.  Seriously, what is not to love about that?

Then, we headed to Salt Lake to watch the hilarious melodrama "Bandito Rides Again."  It was one of those melodrama parodies where they make fun of melodramas and pop-culture and other things.  Everyone laughed their heads off.  Even Isaac liked it (and, he is not a child who is easily pleased).

So, I had a change of heart between Thursday night and Saturday morning and we celebrated.  One day late, but we celebrated.  I love this family of mine.

Marathon of Words

I was going to write about how crazy this past week has been.

Last Monday night, I got a call from the newspaper asking if I could do three (what turned out to be five) extra stories for the Home and Garden insert coming out later this month.  Of course, I said "yes," and then spent the next eight days asking, "Why do I do this to myself?"

I scrambled to get my three regular stories for the week written and turned in.  On Thursday, the marathon began.  For two days I felt mental exhaustion set in as I worked simultaneously on what felt like five different research papers at once. And, it was the week of the book fair and parent-teacher conferences at the junior high (of course, I said "yes" to helping organize the book fair).

I just added it up.  I have interviewed twenty-five different people since last Tuesday.  No wonder I feel a little loopy.  I have ten more interviews to go and four more stories to write by the end of Friday.

But, right now, I am taking a pause to write about how crazy this all is instead.

I was going to write about how crazy this past week has been and try to answer the question, "Why do I do this to myself?"  But, now that the five extra stories are complete, I feel the way I always do at the end.  I feel like I have learned so many cool things about taking care of cement and kitchen remodeling and what the hottest trends for landscaping are right now.

I guess that is the weird part about my job that keeps me going.  I love getting to talk to interesting people and learn new things.

After giving it my all on Thursday and Friday, I woke up Saturday with a stomach bug.  How is it possible that right when a person has so much to do, that person gets sick?  I tried really hard to give myself permission to take a sick day.

Breathe in, breathe out.

On Sunday, I woke up at 6 a.m. in a panic because, while taking my sick day, I completely spaced out the fact that we were hosting Brian's family for dinner that night.  It was ward conference and I had meetings that morning, followed by church, followed by the dinner.  The house was not looking too great after I took a sick day.  I devised a plan.  I would be in charge of making the food if Brian would be in charge of cleaning up.  He agreed.

Then, I had to practice not being the expert at cleaning the house.  Have you ever noticed that when you are the expert at something, you get to do that thing all the time?  You have to let go of being the one in charge to get other people to participate.  On Sunday, I realized that I have been a bit of a control freak when it comes to cleaning the house.  So, congratulations to me, because I kept my mouth shut about how I thought things should be done.  Mostly.  It was hard. (Not as hard as doing everything myself).

Breathe in, breathe out.

But, in the end, dozens of cousins and aunts and uncles showed up with their wonderful meal contributions and we were all happy and none of it mattered anymore.  All that mattered was being together for Sunday dinner.  And, that was nice.

Yesterday and today, I had to wake up to the reality of how much work was still left to be done -- on the stories I mean.  If I woke up really early and started working until the babysitting kids showed up at 11 a.m. and worked again after they went home all evening until long after I would have liked to go to bed, it would be O.K.  It reminded me of finals week in college, when you are trying to cram so much in before a deadline.  Except, now there were all these other people depending on me for food and attention while I was working in the evenings.

It reminded me of having a new baby and not being able to find time to shower.

Breathe in, breathe out. 

This morning, my e-mail crashed while I was trying to receive photos from ten different sources for the stories.  They all started calling to say their e-mails were bouncing back to them.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Brian fixed it.  We survived all of it so far.  Every now and then, I get a startled feeling that Valentine's Day is just a few days away.  The kids need to go Valentine shopping, and I am in charge of Isaac's room party.  This week is parent-teacher conference and the book fair at the elementary school (of course I said "yes" to volunteering for a shift tomorrow night).

I am really looking forward to the weekend.  Right now, it is back to my marathon of words, because I refuse to let this spill beyond Friday (even though my technical deadline for the next four stories is 8 a.m. next Tuesday).  I can't wait to just cuddle those kids of mine and have all day Monday (President's Day) to do whatever we want! 

Thankful For Soup

Katie is good at saying prayers all by herself. Lately, they mostly consist of long lists of things she is thankful for. They are very sweet and uplifting. With the cold weather in full force, I have been preparing a variety of different soups for dinner. I guess Katie hasn't been a big fan of any of them. In a recent prayer given in front of the whole primary, she said, "We thank Thee that we can all like soup when we grow up." At least she is optimistic about her future feelings toward soup. Today, Brian is tearing out walls in a basement room that we are re-finishing as a bedroom for our boys. It is very exciting! I am thankful that he is such a handyman. I love it when he works on our house.

Vacation Plans 2014

It looks like 2014 will be a year of theme park visits for us!

We were surprised on Christmas morning with season passes to Lagoon from my parents.  Usually, we visit once per year.  Sometimes, I use the bounce back option to take the kids twice.  And, there was that one year when the power went out at our bounce back visit, so we got to return a third time for free.

The kids wish we could go a lot more.  Especially the boys -- Sophie is not into roller coasters and big rides yet like they are.  But, she likes the water park and the smaller rides.  Now we can go as many times as we want.  I hope I will be able to meet my kids' expectations of visiting as many times as they think we will now that we have passes.

Today, I booked our Disneyland trip -- Hooray!  I am so relieved to have completed the process of wading through the labyrinth of hotels, their rates and hidden fees and trying to validate or invalidate the negative reviews.  I am so excited that we will be within walking distance from the gate!  Major bonus.

Now, I am dreaming of our wonderful, fun-filled relaxing family vacation.  Ahhhh . . . vacations are the  best!

Happy New Year 2014

2013 is gone.  And, I barely recorded it.

We had a blessed year.

I never wrote about the trip we took with our kids at the end of November 2012.  We stayed overnight in a Swiss Chalet in Heber.  There was a gorgeous pool -- a big draw to our family.  It was one of those indoor/outdoor pools, and even though it was nearly December and snowing, the outdoor portion was open.  Right next to the indoor pool was a beautiful hot tub with a giant rock wall waterfall on one side.  You better believe that is where I spent most of my time.

The older kids ventured into the deserted outdoor pool and begged me to join them.  I finally gave in and swam out to see their cold but magical find.  I also discovered a small, empty hot tub next to the outdoor pool.  It was plain, but it was under the canopy of a black, starry sky.  The indoor hot tub was exotic, but also packed with families, including my own little ones.

When Sophie and Ian tired of the outdoor pool and swam through the little tunnel back inside, I jumped out of the water, ran across the freezing cement, and slipped into the steaming water.  After all of the chaos of organizing, cleaning, packing and generally getting a family of six out the door for a small getaway, it felt divine to sit there all alone for a few minutes.  I was wrapped in a warm blanket of water while the snowflakes gently landed on my face.  The universe felt so quiet with a peace that I rarely experience as a mother, daycare provider and writer. 

For just a moment, I wondered what it would be like if I were at that resort alone, single, childless?  Would my life be full of these uninterrupted moments to relax and think deeply?  It was just a fleeting thought and I soon came to the conclusion that -- although moments like that are a gift in my wonderfully abundant and noisy life -- I would personally be terribly sad and lonely.

Then, I walked back into my messy, chaos-filled life to play with my kids in the pool.

I never wrote about the trip Brian and I took to Idaho in October 2013.

After Brian was laid off from the newspaper at the beginning of 2013, he was blessed with a steady stream of freelance work.  One of the biggest clients of the year was CenterCal, a company based in California that has been building spectacular shopping centers around the mid-west.  Brian met up with them at their development in Farmington called Station Park.

They liked his work and decided that, instead of hiring local photographers at each site, they could fly him to document grand openings in Portland and cities in California.

In October, they unveiled a property in Meridian, Idaho and asked him to spend five-days covering the events.  Since it is only a four-hour drive, and would practically take as long to fly there, he decided to drive and take me along.  A five-day expense paid getaway!!!

My sweet mom took our kids.  It happened to be over the 4-day UEA weekend, so, of course, she spoiled them while we were gone.  I was able to write my stories for the newspaper on the road.  And, without having the kids or daycare kids, I had tons of downtime.

Brian spent most of his time taking pictures.  I saw two movies (Gravity and Captain Phillips) at the new cinema on the property.  The high-backed, reclining chairs were leather.  The lobby was grand.  And, the snack-bar menu went on and on with goodies including gelato - yum!

One night, we were treated to a VIP guest reception prior to the property being opened to the public.  When I arrived, I discovered that all of the restaurants were serving free food and drinks!  Just walk in, sit at a table, and they would start loading you up with foods that looked as good as they tasted.
Outside, there were wonderful street performers. 

Another night, we enjoyed an outdoor concert by a Beatles Tribute band.

I also have family in the area.  So, while Brian worked, I went to a Thai restaurant with my brother and his wife and I got to see my cousins perform with an improv comedy troupe.  It was such a wonderful, relaxing time.  I came home refreshed and ready to do the day-to-day again.  I love my life.  And, I love driving my kids to all their soccer games, basketball games, piano practices and the like.  But, without a small change in scenery from time to time, I start to feel like I am in the movie Groundhog Day.  Waking up and doing the same thing over and over.

I kept thinking how nice it would be for Brian and I to get away once a month.  But, I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon -- haha.

Those are two of the many highlights of my life that have been rolling around in my head waiting to be documented here on my blog.

Last night was another perfect New Year's Eve.

Our whole family was together.  I felt so blessed to be surrounded by these people I love so much.  Sophie and Ian each invited one friend to spend the evening with us.  It was a simple celebration -- lots of yummy food, games and movies.  I tried to make it a little extra special -- for example, in between shows I pulled out a sundae bar even though the kids were already packed to the gills with treats.  A part of me worried that it was too simple of an evening, but, then I asked myself, "When do we ever stay up until midnight reveling like this?"  And, I guess it was the novelty that made it special.

The best part of the evening, in my opinion, came at midnight.  Brian had driven to Evanston, Wyoming and purchased a load of fancy fireworks.  We went outside just before midnight to light sparklers.  Right after the countdown, I poured the kids their goblets of sparkling apple juice from a glass bottle and the show began.  It seemed like lots of people had the same idea, and, in addition to our own private show, there were fireworks in the sky in every direction. 

It was the perfect way to welcome the New Year.  I can't believe Katie stayed up until well past midnight.  Our other kids thought the New Year happened at 10 p.m. when they were her age.  I guess that is part of being the youngest.  It's almost 11 a.m., and she is still sleeping -- poor dear.

I didn't think I was making any "New Year's Resolutions."  I usually don't.  But, sitting here now on a new day, a new year, a fresh start of sorts, I find myself reflecting on some changes that have been in the works for awhile.  And, I guess in a sense, they are resolutions for 2014.

I will embrace my messy, busy life.  Since transitioning back to work three-years ago, I have struggled with many emotions.  I believed with all of my heart in staying home -- no matter what the cost.  But, I have learned that sometimes the cost is too high and having a stay at home mom is, in fact, not what is best for every family.  It has been one of the most difficult challenges for me to re-program my thinking so I will stop feeling like I have failed at life.  

It is a process and, like everyone else I know, I keep striving each day to find a balance that works.  One where the stories get written on time and there is still time for the picture books to be read out loud to my sweet children who are growing up so fast.  Most of the time, things seem to work out.  And, when they don't -- I have to keep reminding myself to ask for help.

I will focus on the abundance.  Life it expensive - yes!  And, the other day, after I completed a round of grocery shopping, I began my usual routine of texting Brian to tell him HOW MUCH THE GROCERIES COST!!!  Because, I just never can believe it when they ring up the total at the check-out.  I know I should eventually get use to the rising cost of things.  But, for now, it still amazes me.  After telling him the amount, a new thought struck me, which was -- "We just had that much money to spend on food."  And, as I thought about that I got a little embarrassed because tears came into my eyes thinking about how lucky we are to eat so well.

What would a list of resolutions be without something regarding diet?  Someone close to me was diagnosed with diabetes one-year-ago.  She has been able to manage it 100% through changing her diet.  She is an inspiration to me.  After one month of drastically reducing her carbs, she was able to reverse the insulin resistance that has most likely plagued her for years -- causing her to crave carbs and making it nearly impossible to lose weight.  She has lost 25-pounds and says she always feels satisfied (as opposed to her previous diets in which she would have to literally cut back to 500-calories per day and starve the weight off).

Three-years ago, I had to stop eating wheat products.  In the past year, I have noticed that eating too many carbs has the same effect on me as eating wheat.  It has gotten worse and worse and I have slowly come to terms with that fact.  I miss wheat!  I love sugar!  Popcorn is my favorite food!  But, I am getting older and I need to honor what my body is telling me.  Here is to hoping this is the year I will finally make changes for better health by following her example.  The process just happens to be coming to a crossroads right at this time of year, so I will add it to the list.

I am looking forward to another blessed year and feeling grateful for a full life.

First Day of School 2013

(Sophie is 5' 5", and you can see that Ian is right behind her in height . . . They are growing up so fast)

The year my parents dropped me off at college, my mom cried while my dad drove them home.  When she arrived home, she took a walk that lasted several miles until her tears were all cried out.  I never knew this story until years later.  And, when I heard it, I was bewildered as to why she was so emotional about my departure to a college a mere hour away from home.

But, as the years go by, I understand more and more how she must have felt.  

This year, I have a serious case of the end of summer blues.  It feels like another marker of the passage of time.  Another summer with my kids is gone and it isn't coming back.  Did we have enough fun?  Did we make enough memories?  Did I pay enough attention?

Now, here they are -- my big 7th grader Sophie who started junior high, Ian in the 5th grade, and Isaac (who at least still seems like a little kid) is off to 2nd grade.

I took them to their back to school nights last week.  I was so overwhelmed at Sophie's that it made me wonder how I ever survived junior high myself?  The halls were so crowded and hot as we wandered through the building looking for all her different classrooms, meeting all eight of her teachers, getting lists of all the supplies she needed.  And, I noticed a smell that I recognized from my days in junior high and high school.

What is that smell?  Not a bad smell, but something that is the same as it was 20 years ago.  Industrial carpet?  Glue?  I have no idea.

Sophie was completely calm about the whole thing and seemed so nonchalant.  But, this morning when I pulled up to drop her off, it was a different story.  Suddenly, she looked at me and said, "I'm scared."  It was like I could feel the butterflies that were bouncing around her stomach inside myself.  I felt like a mother bird booting her baby right out of the nest as I hurriedly assured her she would be fine and practically pushed her out the van door. 

I paused for a moment to watch her walk down the street toward the school.  She didn't look back.  In my mind's eye I could see my little Sophie skipping off to first grade, waving all the way, as I watched from the car.  It was a similar moment.  Except that now she is practically a lady.

Yes -- I have the summer blues.  It is partly about the new schedule, but it is also about realizing that my influence on my children in shrinking.  Remembering the things I learned outside the classrooms in junior high and knowing that their innocence is dissolving.  

After we watched Sophie walk away, I rounded back to the elementary school and dropped off the boys.  Last year, all of my kids had great friends and teachers.  It was a blessed year.  I am praying this will be another, or that we will at least know how to handle it if it's not.

On Friday, the last day of summer vacation, Isaac and his friend (who I babysit) decided to surprise me by dumping all of the toys into a pile.  Remember how I said I had spent some time sorting our toys into nifty labeled boxes that fit neatly onto a shelf Brian built?  Well, they decided to dump all 15 bins.  There were literally over 500 blocks, hundreds more toys, and the pieces to five different puzzles mixed into a toy soup on the floor.

What makes people behave that way?

They were not super excited to spend the next two hours cleaning up the mess that took them five minutes to make.  And, let's just say, I was in extra need of a night out by the time the day was through. 

The upside of this story is that it did make it just the tiniest bit easier to send the kids back to school.

And, the happy ending is that we had a night out, with great friends, at Tona -- one of our favorite sushi spots.

Sweet Spot 2013

We are in a sweet spot of summer right now.  Almost every day - we sleep in.

When we get up -- the kids do chores.  How sweet is it when your kids do chores?

I get some writing done and then our babysitting friends come over.  There is kind of a scramble at lunchtime to feed everyone and then my helper arrives - a lovely sixteen-year-old friend who plays and plays and plays with the kids all afternoon.

She is the best.  I love her too much to articulate.

So, all of the kids play and are cared for and loved while I write the afternoon away.

That is how our days go mostly.  But, we try to mix it up a bit too.  Like last week, I took all of the kids to the mountains with friends.  They played in a stream and roasted things over a fire.  The week before that, we all went swimming with friends.  I love backyard pools and it felt like a little piece of paradise.  Yesterday, we went to the Children's Treehouse Museum with friends.

Sometimes we go out and sometimes we stay in.  But, mostly, we are never in too much of a rush these days.  And, I like it.

I am looking ahead - as I always do - to the new schedule that is about to come upon us.  We have only 2 1/2 weeks left before the kids go back to school!  I am looking ahead, and I see that I am going to spend a lot of time in the van.

I know that everyone talks about driving and how you have to do more of it as your kids get older.  I thought we were already in that spot -- shuttling the kids around to all of their activities.  But, the upcoming school year is taking it to a whole new level.

It is mostly just quick trips here and there, but with such short breaks in between that it leaves you wondering what to do?  A friend suggested that I keep everyone buckled up and park for a few of the 30 minute pauses and I think she is right.  It just doesn't make sense to go home for such a short time when you are going to spend all of it loading and unloading people in and out of carseats.

Three days a week, this driving will start at 11:30 a.m. and pretty much continue through the rest of the day.  Including picking up kids from four different schools between 2-3 p.m.  I haven't even added piano lessons, dance classes and sports to the schedule, and already I am tired.

The good news is -- the van.  I have been wanting to devote an entire post to how much I love the van I am driving right now.

I am totally geeking on the van.

Ever since I started babysitting, having enough seatbelts has posed a real problem.  At first I had six seatbelts and six kids (plus me, so we were always one short).  We upgraded to seven seatbelts and all was well for a very short time until I had another baby and we were one seat short again.

Not having enough seatbelts is a real drag and I have spent a lot of mental energy stressing about how to drive kids to places they needed to go without having the ability to buckle everyone up.

I have joked that I needed a bus and now I (almost) have one -- a twelve passenger van that is.  And, it is even more beloved because it runs on natural gas.  I can actually afford to drive it.  Being able to buckle up all seven kids (and sometimes a friend or two more) has been such a blessing in my life.

I will miss these sweet days of summer when they are over and I am trying to put on my brave face as I gear up for the year of driving.  If I have to spend so much time in my van, at least it is a sweet one.